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You ruined my jacket! Kill him A LOT!
TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- SCIENCE FICTION
http://www.topfive.com/fivers.shtml
==================================================================May 30, 2003
NOTE FROM GREG:
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" recently aired its
last episode.
The Top 9 Signs a Vampire Slayer Should Think About Retirement
9> Without your bifocals, everybody's teeth look perfectly *normal*, and you don't know *who* to slay.
8> You used to endorse Maybelline, but now you endorse Depends.
7> You start wondering if you can get one of those electric
scooters to chase vampires around in. 6> You're *always* spilling your thermos of Metamucil during
those fights. 5> Your sexy black leather slaying uniform just isn't quite right
paired with lavender high heels and a cardigan sweater.4> "I slay Vampires? When the hell did I do that?"
3> Breasts no longer jiggle while impaling creatures of the dark.
2> Your plans just backfired, and now there is a vampire with his
fangs caught in the baggy skin on your neck.
and the Number 1 Sign a Vampire Slayer Should Think About Retirement...
1> No vampire in its right mind is going to be afraid of any slayer wearing a "World's Best Grandma" t-shirt.
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
================================================================== Selected from 35 submissions from 8 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC -- 1, 7 Jenna Clay, Owensboro, KY -- 2, 5, RU, HM list names Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH -- 3, 4 Lisa Comeau, Toronto, Canada -- 6 Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD -- 8 Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 9 Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- Dark Lord of the Sith
------------------------------------------------------------------
Signs a Vampire Slayer Should Think About Retirement
RUNNERS UP list -- Coffin up a Lung
------------------------------------------------------------------When you find a vampire sleeping in her coffin, you start to
think, "Damn I'm tired. Wonder if there's room for me in there."
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)"Hip check" no longer means slamming a vampire into a wall.
(Lisa Comeau, Toronto, Canada)Vampires a priority behind the kids who run across the lawn.
(Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH)I'm supposed to do... WHAT...? To *WHOM*??!! Speak up, dammit!
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)Suddenly, eternal youth is starting to look like a damned good
idea.
(Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD)------------------------------------------------------------------
Signs a Vampire Slayer Should Think About Retirement
HONORABLE MENTION list -- Fangs for the Memories
------------------------------------------------------------------You're older than most of the vampires and demons you fight.
(Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD)Your latest assignment? Track down and stake Bunnicula.
(Jenna Clay, Owensboro, KY)The last time you drove a stake into anything, it was attached to
a "Keep Off The Grass" sign.
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