Jan Coffey wrote:
...
> Canceling someone can have a serious effect on them, it is a form of
> emotional violence. It's a kind of death. On no list I have been on has
> anyone ever been successfuly canceled. A very very small number go off,
> concider what they did, deeply regret it, wonder back around wihtout the
> former dificulty. A smaller number yet, simply go away. Most explode into a
> worse disruption than they ever were.
>
Where were you the past year? : ) It's not like other
approaches were not tried.
...
> It would be nice if the disruption would simply go away, or learn how to not
> act in such a way on their own, but if this were posible then the disruption
> would be a reasonable person. Usualy, everyon can agree that this is not the
> case. One method that might work is to bring the disruption closer, instead
> of pushing them away.
WAY too late for that. Although there is just the one
"hot-button" issue. (Maybe if we all just snuck away to form the
Divad Nirb List, or something? Then he could finally let the issue
go...)
... Respongin to them must be done carefuly. They must be
> informed that the differnce is recognized and that instead of pushing them
> away, an attempt will be made to help them modify their ways when dealing
> with the group so that they will not be a disruption. Then whenever any
> disruptive behavior is used, they must be responded to in a manner that shows
> how this is a disruption.
Believe me, it was all tried.
..
> Al it takes is to respond to disruption only be explaining why it is
> disruptive, NOT that thee is something "wrong" with the person, but explain
> how the perception works as if they are from another planet, and don't
> undertand your ways. nothing more, nothing less.
...
> Which brings me to a final point about my little suggestion. There is a time
> and a place when befriending can no-longer work. When a disruption chooses
> pride and indecorousness. This may be sad, for some more carring individuals.
> But in such cases it may be time to take greater action to distence onself
> from the disruption.
What more could we actually DO?
---David
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