> -----Original Message----- > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > Behalf Of Ronn!Blankenship
> So let's talk openly about them here. What are those legitimate needs > which you believe are denied, and how do you think those needs > should be met?
I think I already gave a number of examples... but you've put words in my head by saying that they are denied.
I apologize if that's what I did, but see below.
What I'm saying is that people, for various reasons, fail to learn how to see that their needs are met legitimately, and thus turn to other ways. This is not to imply that their eyes simply need to be opened. Habits are tough to change, especially when they're rewarded with endorphin production!
I can't get specific about how to meet everyone's needs! Each person is an individual, with needs that differ. But I think it is a poor approach to start by trying to quell the urge to feel good. That's the wrong side of the equation to start with; it's better to first try to help people learn to meet their needs, I think. Of course, they often don't want to change...
You said in your earlier message:
<quote>
I sure agree that our approach is generally wrong, but not for the reasons that you're putting forth here. For me, the wrongness has a lot to do with denial of legitimate needs, that is reflected in our unwillingness, as a society to talk openly about a number of things. I'm not sure why that doesn't change, but it seems clear that it delivers a lot of money and power to those who use sex, violence, etc. to attract our attention.
</quote>
(1) So if "[I] put words in [your] head by saying that [their legitimate needs] are denied," by "denial of legitimate needs" do you mean self-denial by the person with the needs, or what? I honestly want to understand what you are saying.
(2) You wrote "For me, the wrongness has a lot to do with denial of legitimate needs, that is reflected in our unwillingness, as a society to talk openly about a number of things." I suggested that we start by openly talking about those things (whatever they are) here.
You wrote:
"Habits are tough to change, especially when they're rewarded with endorphin production!"
Agree.
"Each person is an individual, with needs that differ."
Strongly agree.
"But I think it is a poor approach to start by trying to quell the urge to feel good."
Strongly agree. Feeling good, and its opposite of feeling bad, are really strong motivational forces. Most of us try to find ways to feel good as much as possible and to eliminate feeling bad as much as possible. Sometimes, of course, the only way to deal with things is to grit our teeth and work through the bad to get to the point where good things happen more often, but as you say later in the paragraph, often we don't want to change, because change is hard.
"That's the wrong side of the equation to start with; it's better to first try to help people learn to meet their needs, I think."
So as I suggested above, if the problem (or part of it) is that we as a society are unwilling to talk openly about a number of things, why don't we start by talking openly about those things here?
"Of course, they often don't want to change..."
Strongly agree. Change is hard.
-- Ronn! :)
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