Richard Baker wrote:
Brother John said:
Why would any adult not want to have children? Are they not a source
of almost infinite joy in the lives of those who have them? Are they
not great treasures? To pass up a chance for a child is like walking
by a 100 dollar bill on the sidewalk and not leaning down to pick it
up. Only the barren and lonely do not have children. It is a sad
situation for any person to be in.
Well, it's just possible, I guess, that some of us don't think that
children are a lifestyle accessory designed purely to make us happy.
It seems to me that having children is a very serious investment of
time and money and that I shouldn't have them until I have a fairly
good probability of being able to give them a better life than I've
had. It also seems to me that the opportunity cost of having children
is not being able to invest that time and money in other projects that
will make the future a better place not just for as yet unconceived
children but for everybody. And when I do have children, it will be
with the confidence that I can provide them with an excellent start in
life rather than merely, y'know, because I kinda felt like it. If I
never feel that I can be an adequate parent, then I simply won't have
children at all.
I must say it stuns and amazes and disappoints me that anyone could
think otherwise.
Your attitude towards children seem very pessimistic to me and seems to
imply that you are lacking in self-confidence. Those who have children
while realizing what a "very serious investment of time and money" they
are, do so with supreme confidence that they will not only be able to
provide them with better opportunities than they have had, but that
their children can be reared to be a great blessing to the world who
will make it a much better place for everybody. And while I admire your
resolve not to have any children at all unless you feel that you can be
an adequate parent who can do far more than provide them with an
excellent start in life, if you had more confidence in yourself, you
would simply resolve to be such a parent and then carry out your resolve.
Our culture is full of people who have lost faith in their ability to
make a good home for children. How very sad. My wife and I raised three
children to adulthood, and we did a much better job than our parents
did. In my case, a much, much better job. And so now, in our sixties, we
are wrapped in the love of wonderful children, and our lives are filled
with happy and healthy grandchildren.
A cultural pessimism about rearing children, does not bode well for the
future of that culture. I must admit, however, that there are a lot of
factors in our cultural environment that make it very difficult to raise
children well. I consider it a miracle that I turned out as well as I
did myself, and some would suggest that isn't saying much. Still, I feel
bad for those who have so little confidence in themselves or the future
that they choose not to have children or to even attempt to rear a
family. Children are the greatest joy a person can have, and if they are
reared well, that joy lasts at least until the end of life.
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