Robert Seeberger <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > http://darrel.knutson.com/jokes/men-women/guys.html > > > 1.. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. > 2.. Movie nudity is virtually always female. > 3.. You know stuff about tanks. > 4.. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. > 5.. Monday Night Football. > 6.. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives. > 7.. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. > 8.. You can open all your own jars. > 9.. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained > weight. > 10.. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind. > 11.. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on > every shot of someone crying. > 12.. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. > 13.. All your orgasms are real. > 14.. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. > 15.. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you. > 16.. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere > you go. > 17.. You understand why Stripes is funny. > 18.. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group. > 19.. Your last name stays put. > 20.. You can leave a hotel bed unmade. > 21.. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that > everyone secretly hates you. > 22.. You can kill your own food. > 23.. The garage is all yours. > 24.. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. > 25.. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment. > 26.. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. > 27.. You never have to clean the toilet. > 28.. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. > 29.. Sex means never worrying about your reputation. > 30.. Wedding plans take care of themselves. > 31.. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can > still be your friend. > 32.. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack. > 33.. The National College Cheerleading Championship > 34.. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry. > 35.. You don't have to shave below your neck. > 36.. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite. > 37.. If you're 34 and single nobody notices. > 38.. You can write your name in the snow. > 39.. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. > 40.. Everything on your face stays its original color. > 41.. Chocolate is just another snack. > 42.. You can be president. > 43.. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. > 44.. Flowers fix everything. > 45.. You never have to worry about other people's feelings. > 46.. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. > 47.. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. > 48.. Three pair of shoes are more than enough. > 49.. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. > 50.. You can say anything and not worry about what people think. > 51.. Foreplay is optional. > 52.. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. > 53.. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the > room. > 54.. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. > 55.. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is > coming by. > 56.. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. > 57.. Car mechanics tell you the truth. > 58.. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new > haircut. > 59.. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours > without even thinking (He must be mad at me) > 60.. The world is your urinal. > 61.. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover > is about to leave you. > 62.. You get to jump up and slap stuff. > 63.. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. > 64.. One mood, all the time. > 65.. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to > look > like him. > 66.. You never have to drive to another gas station because this > one's just too skeevy. > 67.. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. > 68.. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are > wearing. > 69.. Same work....more pay. > 70.. Gray hair and wrinkles add character. > 71.. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch > adjustment. > 72.. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. > 73.. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your > back. > 74.. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's > population in 15 tries, at least in theory. > 75.. You don't mooch off others' desserts. > 76.. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. > 77.. The remote is yours and yours alone. > 78.. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. > 79.. ESPN's sports center. > 80.. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little > gift. > 81.. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers. > 82.. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. > 83.. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you > naked. > 84.. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the > bathroom. > 85.. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't > tell you friends you've changed. > 86.. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. > 87.. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k > it!" > 88.. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you > might become lifelong buddies. > 89.. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary. > 90.. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. > 91.. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not > in the mood. > 92.. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. > 93.. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a > hammer and throw it across the room. > 94.. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. > 95.. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. > 96.. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and > anniversaries. > 97.. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with > them. > 98.. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice > anything different?" > 99.. Baywatch > 100.. There is always a game on somewhere. > > > xponent > Theories Of Male Supremacy Maru > rob
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