I think George Marshall handles the issue of declining partners very tactfully by encouraging leads to accept rejections with grace, thereby implying that it's ok to decline, rather than by directly encouraging people to decline. I think this allows everyone involved to feel like they're doing their part in the community, even when they're the ones getting turned down.
On Mon, Jan 21, 2013 at 12:33 PM, Perry Shafran <[email protected]> wrote: > As I have heard others say, everyone has the freedom to decline a dance > with anybody they want, and no explanation is necessary, other than a > polite "no thank you". > > Perry > > > ________________________________ > From: Maia McCormick <[email protected]> > To: Caller's discussion list <[email protected]> > Sent: Monday, January 21, 2013 12:05 PM > Subject: Re: [Callers] Booking Ahead - (was ideas for callers about > sidelines) > > An especially frustrating manifestation of booking ahead, in my mind, is > the mid-dance book-ahead with someone you're not already sure is interested > in dancing with you. I feel like it deserves a special mention just because > I personally find it very difficult and flustering to have to decline > someone or formulate any coherent response in the middle of a swing, say, > and so I usually just agree, and sometimes end up dancing with people that > I would rather not be dancing with. > > Which brings me to another point I've been wondering about: exactly how > much freedom does a dancer have to decline dance offers (assuming > non-booking-ahead)? Part of me feels that a pillar of contra is the > knowledge that you don't get turned down, and that anyone can dance with > anyone. But I feel very strongly that no one should have to dance with > someone who makes them uncomfortable. However, there's some sort of > confusing grey area in between. There are people I'd rather not dance with > because they make me acutely uncomfortable... and there are those that make > me slightly uncomfortable... there are those I find flashy and annoying, or > those whose swinging styles really don't fit with mine... You get the idea. > Not to seem like I don't want to dance with anyone but my friends--this > isn't the case--but I've always wondered just how much license the dancer > gets to choose their own partners, rather than accepting the first offer > that comes up. What are people's thoughts? > > Maia > > On Mon, Jan 21, 2013 at 3:42 PM, Ron T Blechner <[email protected]> > wrote: > > > Greg, > > > > For the dances where this is true, that's great. I have attended dances > > where that's the value of the community, and I love dance organizations > and > > communities who foster that. > > > > I've also been to a lot of dances where a specific culture of "we're here > > to dance with a lot of people" is not the default case. That is, in fact, > > the reason I brought up the "booking ahead" problem in the first place; I > > recognize that there are exceptions, and you've pointed some out, but by > > and large: > > > > ** Booking ahead is done because people want to dance with a small subset > > of dancers who are their friends / the "cool, hip dancers" / etc. ** > > > > So I don't, as a caller, make the assumption that you present. Instead, > I > > believe that unless a dance specifically fosters a new-dancer-friendly, > > inclusive environment, and goes out of its way to post signs / e-mails / > > promote discussion with callers / etc, dancers will generally see a > narrow > > view of what's going on at the dance. It's up to organizers and callers, > I > > believe, to specifically shape the dance to a friendly environment ... > > > > ... if that's the dance's goal. > > > > in dance, > > Ron > > > > On Sat, Jan 19, 2013 at 1:10 PM, Greg McKenzie <[email protected]> > > wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > My approach is to assume the best of the dancers and allow them to take > > the > > > initiative and rise to the occasion. I assume that all dancers at an > > open, > > > public contra dance are attracted to that venue--at least in part--by > the > > > prospect of dancing with lots of folks new to them personally and new > to > > > dancing contras. As a caller it is my responsibility to make that > > process > > > both easy and fun for them. > > > > > > My experience is that this assumption always pays off. I am not saying > > it > > > works perfectly every time. > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > Callers mailing list > > [email protected] > > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > > > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers >
