\|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ MyFree.Com's Jokes, Jokes, Jokes Daily - September 9, 2004 Life's Short...Laugh Now! /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\
----------------------------SPONSOR----------------------------- 2004-2005 Edition: National Directory of Free Crafting & Sewing Supplies" Learn how to get free craft supplies with the new National Directory of Free Crafting and Sewing Supplies. Teaches you how to get: * Christmas items * Patterns * Kids activity kits * Samples * Magazines ...and so much more! This sensational book shows you how to get over $300 worth of FREE crafting, sewing, and painting supplies. If that's not enough, you will also receive over $100 in coupons, rebates, and special offers. Order today: <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=ppi36 ">Click Here</a> ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1. FUN PAGE Party - Bill Gates Style What does Bill Gates do to celebrate his birthday? We have some ideas of our own, and they're all right here on our fun page! Take a look at a Bill Gates birthday - have a laugh - and pass it along to your favorite computer geek. <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=mfp77 ">Click Here</a> Visit our website to see if your slogan has been posted and while you're there check out our growing list of clever slogans and bumper stickers. Enjoy! <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=myf392 ">Click Here</a> Do you have a favorite sticker or slogan you'd like to share? If so, please submit it to: <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=myf469 ">Click Here</a>. Maybe you'll see YOUR favorite slogan or sticker on our website. Be sure to include your name, city, and state! 2. Some Important Things My Children Taught Me If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. Baseballs make marks on ceilings. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq foot house 4 inches deep. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. Duplos will not. Play-Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. Super glue is forever. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. Ditto Tarzan. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters do not like Jello. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. Your fire department has at least a 5-minute response time. 3. Blonde Joke, submitted by Heather Gustafson, Port Angeles, WA Why did the blonde go to the Post Office 45 times in one day? Well, her computer kept telling her she had mail. ----------------------------SPONSOR----------------------------- Free Offers: 300+ Titles CONGRATULATIONS! As a thank you for your MyFree.com subscription, you have been awarded FREE offers, catalogs, magazines, and more from companies such as: > Martha Stewart, > Bloomingdale's By Mail Home, > Country Homes and Gardens, > Metropolitan Museum of Art and more. Click here to find out how to get your free goodies. Hurry and redeem today - before these limited quantities are gone forever! <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=sah112 ">Click Here</a> ---------------------------------------------------------------- SUBMIT A JOKE! The great MyFree.com joke hunt is going on right now! If you'd like to see YOUR favorite joke in print, click the link below: <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=myf462 ">Click Here</a> Be sure to include your name, city, and state! Live, Love, Laugh, Susan Derby * * * . . . . . . 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