On Wed, Oct 20, 2004 at 11:15:06AM -0500, Larry Brunelle wrote:
>
> Michael Feathers wrote:
> [clip]
> > Here's an interesting question: do you ever think that the
> > expectation of honesty in a team can be oppressive?
>
> (With credit to Will Rogers, I believe,) I should not
> miss those precious opportunities to shut up.
Turn it around (and going back to the manipulation thread): often
the most effective way to lie is to tell the truth such that the
listener will reach the wrong conclusion. If you did that
deliberately, you'd know, in your heart, that you were lying. What if
you do it accidentally?
Honesty requires more than making factually correct statements,
it requires thinking about (or at least trying to) how you're going to
say them, and how those words and statements will add up in the
listener's head.
Going further, people are often as honest as they can be, but
that sometimes means lying to themselves as much as to anybody else.
Being honest doesn't always mean saying the first thing that pops into
your head, because that may not be the right impulse speaking, or it
may be more your habits of speech coming out than your real intent.
Sometimes it's good to reflect before speaking, especially if the
topic matters a lot to somebody in the conversation.
Reflecting doesn't always mean thinking about the wording.
Sometimes it means listening to your feelings for a moment. I'm not
sure how I decide I need to reflect - maybe I do it when I notice that
for some reason, the impulse to speak feels especially urgent. I have
noticed that when I do reflect first, then speak, I tend to use more
than normal language about feelings rather than about facts. I've
also had to train myself to be more willing to say "I don't know, but
I do have these feelings..."
--
Steven J. Owens
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
"I'm going to make broad, sweeping generalizations and strong,
declarative statements, because otherwise I'll be here all night and
this document will be four times longer and much less fun to read.
Take it all with a grain of salt." - http://darksleep.com/notablog
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