I'm just about ready ;-) Chuck WB2EDV
Andrew O'Brien wrote: > ---------------------------------------- > To the Citizens of the States of America: > > We hereby give notice of the Revocation of Your > Independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen > Elizabeth > II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and > territories excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy. Your new prime > minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the > need > for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A > questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you > noticed. > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following > rules are introduced with immediate effect: (You should look up > "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.) > > 1. Look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be > amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. > > 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and > 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping > half the letters and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix > "ise". > Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable > levels. (look up "vocabulary"). > > 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such > as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of > communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft > know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take > account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. > > 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. > > 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, > or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists > shows > that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be > handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without > suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough > to handle a gun. > > 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more > dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish > to carry a vegetable peeler in public. > > 7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start > driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go > metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion > tables. > Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British > sense of humour. > > 8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been > calling gasoline) -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. > > 9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French Fries > are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips > are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal > fat, > and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. > > 10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually > beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as > beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be > referred > to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's > Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. > > 11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as > good > guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play > English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in > Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears > removed with a cheese grater. > > 12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of > proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in > time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American > football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or > wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). > > 13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host > an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of > America. Since only 21% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your > borders, your error is understandable. > > 14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. > > 15. An Inland Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's > Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all > monies due (backdated to 1776). > > 16. Daily tea time begins promptly at 4 PM with proper cups - never mugs, > with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season. > > Thank you for your co-operation. > > > > -- > Andy k3UK > > K3UK DX Cluster via telnet://cluster.dnyalias.org > > Other K3UK-CARC Groups > DIGITALRADIO Group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/digitalradio/ > MixW Group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/themixwgroup/ > > Unsubscribe this group via [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > > > > > > SPONSORED LINKS > Craft hobby > <http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Craft+hobby&w1=Craft+hobby&w2=Hobby+and+craft+supply&w3=Ham+radio&c=3&s=60&.sig=YqiuyVwjnQFdynnsmMwVWg> > > Hobby and craft supply > <http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Hobby+and+craft+supply&w1=Craft+hobby&w2=Hobby+and+craft+supply&w3=Ham+radio&c=3&s=60&.sig=VduRJqNqUo9QkUiTI-knAA> > > Ham radio > <http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Ham+radio&w1=Craft+hobby&w2=Hobby+and+craft+supply&w3=Ham+radio&c=3&s=60&.sig=sl_TRqZTiP_WHSLe6P3ybA> > > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS > > * Visit your group "carcomm > <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/carcomm>" on the web. > > * To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > * Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of > Service <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/>. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > K3UK DX Cluster via telnet://cluster.dnyalias.org Other K3UK-CARC Groups DIGITALRADIO Group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/digitalradio/ MixW Group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/themixwgroup/ Unsubscribe this group via [EMAIL PROTECTED] Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/carcomm/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
