Thanks, Paul. I had been missing Dan Quayle for the longest time, and
now I remember why.
--John
Paul Ihrig wrote:
>
> > You may have seen these before, but it's been a while since I had, and
> > they're good for a giggle.
> >
> > A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for
> > people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers.
> > Here are the finalists:
> > 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
> > using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
> > and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
> >
> > (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in
> > Redmond, WA.)
> >
> > 2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
> > encounter."
> >
> > (Lykes Lines Shipping)
> >
> > 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should
> > be used only for company business."
> >
> > (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
> >
> > 4 "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
> > important interfere with it."
> > (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
> >
> > 5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
> >
> >
> > 6. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
> > working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let
> > you know when it's time to tell them."
> >
> > (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
> >
> > 7. "My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that
> > only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and
> > she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected."
> >
> > (CIO of Dell Computers)
> >
> > 8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
> >
> > (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
> >
> > 9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When
> > I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss
> > work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her
> > burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
> >
> > (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
> >
> > 10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
> > going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long
> > Lines Division)
> >
> >
> >
> > 11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is
> > to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo
> > mentioned above."
> >
> > (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
> >
> > 12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning
> > a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.
> > He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to
> > ask for it!"
> >
> > (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
> >
> > 13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo
> > reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of
> > the memo, in one of the sentences, I mentioned the "pedagogical approach"
> > used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to
> > the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and
> > told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by
> > lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts
> > (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of
> > the memo, with her demand that I be fired and the word "pedagogical"
> > circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked
> > the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send
> > back to her,he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days
> > later, a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words that
> > could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company
> > memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I
> > created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday
> > paper.
> >
> > (Taco Bell Corporation).
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Structure your ColdFusion code with Fusebox. Get the official book at
http://www.fusionauthority.com/bkinfo.cfm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Structure your ColdFusion code with Fusebox. Get the official book at
http://www.fusionauthority.com/bkinfo.cfm
Archives: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/
Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/index.cfm?sidebar=lists
