A few I more told my husband before we got married.
16. After we get married, I'm going to get fat and cut my hair. It's
inevitable.
17. The appropriate answer to almost any question is, "Yes, dear." Learn
it, know it, live it.
18. We don't like soap opera guys because they say romantic things and
wear cool clothes. We like soap opera guys because they don't consider
farting to be humor, foreplay or a badge of honor.
19. We do know how to change oil and set the VCR. We ask you to do these
things so you'll feel useful.
20. Foreplay is your friend. Know it, love it, live it.
21. Rolling over and saying "how about it?" is not foreplay.
22. Do not refer to our period as "[oral sex] week."
23. I'm not going to tell you what to buy me for any occasion. It's a
cruel test they taught us in "chick school."
24. Yes, there is a school they send all of us to to learn this cruel
stuff, and other stuff like "How to interrupt any sporting event broadcast
with inane questions" and "Tears are your friend."
Sharon
At 10:21 AM 4/29/2001 -0400, Erika L Walker wrote:
>This was my comeback....I fizzled out around 13, but if anyone wants to add
>to the list feel free!
>
>(sorry, it was such a tense weekend around here, I had to pull out the
>arsenal of funies...)
>
>Cheers, Erika
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Rules that *** MEN *** need to know....
>
>1) If you think you are god's gift to women, think again.
>
>2) No it's not small, you just don't know how to use it. And if you think
>it's *big*, think again.
>
>3) When you think we are faking it, we really aren't, we are thinking of the
>soap opera guy.
>
>4) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big boy. If it's up, put it
>down, when you are done.
>
>5) 3 day old stubble does not make you look like Indiana Jones.
>
>6) We do not think of sex every minute of every day, just every other
>minute. So get your timing right.
>
>7) Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
>8) Cutoff shorts and a holey t-shirt are not appropriate wear to a wedding.
>(Unless it's Jimmy Buffet's)
>
>9) Your ex-girlfriend (or ex-wife) is a slut.
>
>10) Let the mechanic check your oil. Please. You do not have to prove you
>are a man by killing your car.
>
>11) Ditto on home improvement. Walls were meant to be straight.
>
>12) Until you start dressing like James Bond, we won't even consider
>dressing like the Victoria's Secret girls.
>
>13) Sunday is for sports! Now stop asking me to cook for you!
>
>14) Just because my paycheck is bigger than yours doesn't mean you aren't a
>man.
>
>And last but not least.....
>
>15) Christopher Columbus did need directions. He did not set out to find
>"America", he stumbled upon it like a jerk. He was looking for the "Indies"
>remember!? (OK, so that was a good mistake, so what)
>
>
>
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