denied being a conservative? :)
- Jim
Sam Morris wrote:
>How come you filtered only Bush jokes? There are just
>as many late night Kerry jokes and they are just as
>funny.
>
>What ever happened to fair and balanced humor:)
>
>-sm
>
>
>--- "Erika L. Walker-Arnold" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
>wrote:
>
>
>
>>LATE NIGHT QUOTES
>>
>>"President Bush went out touting his economic record
>>in Ohio last week.
>>Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since
>>Bush took office. You
>>know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do
>>it somewhere where
>>the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like
>>India, or Thailand or
>>China."
>>--Jay Leno
>>
>>"President Bush has unveiled his first campaign
>>commercial, highlighting
>>all of his accomplishments in office. That's why
>>it's a 30-second spot."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"President Bush says he has just one question for
>>the American voters:
>>"Is the rich person you're working for better off
>>now than they were
>>four years ago?"
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"The election is in full-swing. Republicans have
>>taken out
>>round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we
>>already have that?
>>It's called Fox News."
>>-- Craig Kilborn
>>
>>"Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic
>>number of
>>2,162.That'sthe total number of delegates he needs
>>to win the Democratic
>>nomination. See for President Bush it's different.
>>His magic number is
>>5. That's the number of Supreme Court judges needed
>>to win."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed
>>over the White House
>>wall and got arrested. This marks the first time a
>>person has gotten
>>into the White House unlawfully since President
>>Bush."
>>-- David Letterman
>>
>>"A new poll says that if the election were held
>>today, John Kerry would
>>beat President Bush by a double digit margin. The
>>White House is so
>>worried about this, they're now thinking of moving
>>up the capture of
>>Osama Bin Laden to next month."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"The White House is now backtracking from its
>>prediction that 2.6
>>million new jobs will be created in the U.S. this
>>year. They say they
>>were off by roughly 2.6 million jobs."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000
>>National Guard
>>troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers
>>seeing him there."
>>-- Craig Kilborn
>>
>>"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people
>>getting married in
>>San Francisco. He said on important issues like this
>>the people should
>>make the decision, not judges. Unless of course
>>we're choosing a
>>president, then he prefers judges."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"The White House has now released military documents
>>that they say prove
>>George Bush met his requirements for the National
>>Guard. Big deal, we've
>>got documents that prove Al Gore won the election."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"There was an embarrassing moment in the White House
>>earlier today. They
>>were looking around while searching for George
>>Bush's military records.
>>They actually found some old Al Gore ballots."
>>-- David Letterman
>>
>>"On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was
>>asked what he would do
>>if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you
>>mean like last
>>time?'"
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are
>>making campaign
>>appearance with the guys who saved their lives in
>>Vietnam. Meanwhile
>>President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once
>>took a math test for
>>him."
>>-- Conan O'Brien
>>
>>"President Bush released his new $2.4 trillion
>>federal budget. It has
>>two parts: smoke and mirrors."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"Bush admitted that his pre-war intelligence won't
>>what it should have
>>been. We knew that when we elected him!"
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"It's weird watching President Bush struggle with
>>excuses for why we
>>went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us all what
>>a terrific liar
>>Bill Clinton really was."
>>-- Craig Kilborn
>>
>>"As you know President Bush gave his State of the
>>Union Address,
>>interrupted 70 times by applause and 45 times by
>>really big words."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"President Bush said that American workers will need
>>new skills to get
>>the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the skills
>>they're going to
>>need are Spanish, Chinese, Korean, because that's
>>where the jobs went."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"President Bush wants to build a space station on
>>the moon. And from the
>>moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know
>>what this means. He's
>>been drinking again."
>>-- David Letterman
>>
>>"Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill has written
>>a book about his
>>years with the Bush Administration. He said that
>>President Bush while at
>>cabinet meetings is disengaged, he's uninformed,
>>distracted, he's
>>passive, and the Democrats are saying to themselves,
>>"How can we
>>possibly beat this guy?"
>>-- David Letterman
>>
>>The new Prime Minister of Spain has called the war
>>in Iraq a disaster,
>>and plans to bring his troops home as soon as
>>possible. In fact,
>>President Bush is so upset at Spain that he is now
>>threatening to close
>>down the border between Spain and the U.S.
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative
>>fighting contract in
>>Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick
>>Cheney without any
>>competitive bidding. When asked if this could be
>>conceived as Cheney's
>>friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said
>>"Yes.'"
>>-- Conan O'Brien
>>
>>"Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that
>>he reveal the
>>details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said.
>>He met with unnamed
>>people, from unspecified companies, for an
>>indeterminate amount of time
>>at an undisclosed location. Thank God he cleared
>>that up."
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"Plans are being discussed as to who will replace
>>Dick Cheney if he has
>>to resign for health reasons. It's not easy for
>>President Bush, he can't
>>just name a replacement. He would first have to be
>>confirmed by the oil,
>>gas and power companies. "
>>-- Jay Leno
>>
>>"President Bush spoke briefly to reporters before
>>playing a round of
>>golf in Crawford, Texas earlier today. ... This
>>raises the question:
>>Shouldn't the guy who is really running the country
>>and who has had like
>>20 heart attacks be taking the vacation?"
>>-- Craig Kilborn
>>
>>
>>Back in 2000 a Republican friend warned me that if I
>>voted for Al Gore
>>and he won, the stock market would tank, we'd lose
>>millions of jobs, and
>>our military would be totally overstretched. You
>>know what? I did vote
>>for Gore, he did win, and I'll be damned if all
>>those things didn't come
>>true!"
>>-- James Carville
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
>
>
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