LoL... thanks for posting.
On Fri, 25 Feb 2005 10:19:44 -0500, Charlie Griefer <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > (source unknown...forwarded to me by a female friend) :) > > Why Women are Crabby > > We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find > that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds > hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously > uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would > snap until we had calluses on our backs. > > Next, we got our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along > with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone > crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert > tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. > > Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex > for the first time, which was about as much fun as having a ramrod > push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't > end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder > what all the fuss was about. > > Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry > crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day > leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are > (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside > us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we > were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. > > Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and > we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, > the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the > middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, > moaning in pain all the way to the ER. > > Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please > stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more > good push," (more like 10) warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse > to punch the hubby square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, > mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole. > > After that, it was time to raise those angels, only to find that when > all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into > walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop > machines. > > Then come their teen years. Need I say more? > > When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual > prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his > 18th birthday. > > So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the > Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer > in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, > sweat like a hog in January, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily > and bite the head off anything that moves. > > Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get > off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in > the woods without soaking their socks... > > So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great > Ghandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? > > Yeah right. Bite me. > > -- > Charlie Griefer > > ================================================ > "...All the world shall be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, > and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch > you, digger, listener, runner, prince with a swift warning. > Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed." > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Discover CFTicket - The leading ColdFusion Help Desk and Trouble Ticket application http://www.houseoffusion.com/banners/view.cfm?bannerid=48 Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:148426 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
