An ion walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What's wrong?"
The ion says, "I've lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."

Heisenburg is driving down the road when he sees blue lights in his rear
view mirror, so he pulls over to the side of the road.
The cop walks up to his window and says, "Sir, do you know how fast you
were going?"
Heisenburg thinks a moment, replying, "No officer, I don't."  Suddenly
he grins excitedly.  "But I know exactly where I am!"

The difference between theory and reality is that, in theory, there is
no difference.

Q:  What is a tachyon?
A:  A gluon that hasn't had time to completely dry.

What's the difference between a quantum theorist and Ford Talent?
Ford Talent has models that work!

--Ben


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