I had to laugh at the Starbucks thing. I generally avoid the place but there is one in the library so I have been there a few times lately, and I just refuse to order a vente anything. I want a large, ok? LOL. The months thing makes sense though, as anyone who has had a two-year-old knows. That parent is reminding him or herself that eventually the child will no longer be two...
Dana On 11/16/05, Ken Ketsdever <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Charlie for President 2008 > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Charlie Griefer [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > Sent: Tuesday, November 15, 2005 6:34 PM > To: CF-Community > Subject: new rules > > New Rule: Stop that pop-up ad for Classmates.com <http://Classmates.com>! > There's a reason > you don't talk to people for 25 years - you don't like them! Besides, > I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these > days, mowing MY lawn. > > New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless > you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger > was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. > What Did you expect it to contain? Grade A Prime? Luckily, it was only > a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it > alive. > > New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care > about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. > > New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole > aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery > taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want > flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your > flavored water. (and that's just common sense) > > New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the > asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande > half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread > cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one > NutraSweet, "you're a HUGE asshole. > > New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it > doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass and > it translates to "beef with broccoli and almonds." The last time you > did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. > You're not spiritual, you're just high. > > New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport, its one of the seven > deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive > Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just > too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, > they're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." > > New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, > old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a > remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's > remember the reason something was a television show in the first place > is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. > > New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for > weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from > rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it > for you isn't gift giving, it's white people's version of looting. > (Send in the Vikings!) > > New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. > After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I > just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed > to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on > your web cam, I just want to wash my hands. (Everyone who remembers > George Michael, raise your hand). > > New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in > months. "27 Months." He's two, will do just fine. He's not a cheese > and I didn't really care in the first place. (You can ask this > question to determine if it really IS a cheese. The follow up question > can be, 'How much a pound'). > > -- > Charlie Griefer > > ================================================ > "...All the world shall be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, > and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must > catch > you, digger, listener, runner, prince with a swift warning. > Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed." > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Discover CFTicket - The leading ColdFusion Help Desk and Trouble Ticket application http://www.houseoffusion.com/banners/view.cfm?bannerid=48 Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:182344 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
