I just need to share a little bit.  First a little history.

My mother is the second oldest of seven kids and has always felt some
responsibility for her siblings (both her parents died many years ago).

My mother pays for a cell phone for two of her brothers and pays my aunt's
credit card bill.  She sends lavish packages and cash.  My parents really
don't have that much money.  My father makes a good living but they're
saving very little and they juggle credit card debt.

Nothing I'm pleased with but also not much I can do about.

My Aunt (my mother's only sister) has always been pretty hard up.  She's
twice divorced and now lives with her daughter, her son-in-law and four
grandchildren.  They all survive on her son-in-law's salary as a short-haul
truck driver.

My mother and father live in Houston in a two bedroom apartment.  They've
lived down there for about nine years now.  My father travels for a living
so my mother is alone for most of the time (perhaps three weeks out of
four).

My aunt and her daughter (along with most of our family) live in Western NY.
They just bought a house recently ($20,000 - much different market than
Boston!) and generally seemed to be doing well enough (with continual help
from my mother).

Now here's were it gets weird.  (Understand that I'm getting this story
third hand from my mother).

My cousin (my aunt's daughter) recently left her family.  She was "seeing"
(my mother's word) another woman.  Now as this story continues lets also
remember that there isn't a person mentioned (other than my mother) who
isn't at least 250 lbs.

So, she's seeing another woman.  Her kids get some bug (I never got exactly
what) that requires antibiotics.  The dad calls to the house of this
girlfriend, apparently where the kids are, and says they need their
medication and that he's coming over to get them.

So he comes over.  Before he gets out of the car the girlfriend's sister,
named - I shit you not - "Porkchop" (I'm guessing this is a nick name)
starts beating on his truck with a baseball bat.  She smashes his windows,
his grill and generally bangs it up (reportedly she's well over 300 pounds
so we can only assume she can put some weight behind a bat).

He gets out of the truck.  He's not a violent guy, "doofus" is probably the
best description, and I honestly doubt he had anything in mind other than
getting Porkchop off his truck.  At this point however Porkchop and her
sister attack him and beat the living shit out of him.

So, him and his truck are no both broken on the sidewalk.  Porkchop goes
back into the house and calls the police.  She informs them that he attacked
her and she was forced to defend her ample self.  The police come, take him
into custody and he spends the night in jail.

My cousin (his wife) bails him out the next morning.  This REALLY pisses off
her girlfriend and Porkchop.  They throw my cousin out and she moves back in
with her husband.

Now here's where it gets weirder.

Now Porkchop has a boyfriend - apparently one of the bigger drug dealers in
the area.  Porkchop and her sister begin to harass my cousin and her family.
Porkchop tells her that her boyfriend is going to burn down their house.
She says that he'll kill her husband and her oldest son (who apparently
never warmed up to the whole situation).

They call, send text messages, leave notes and so forth.  They threaten to
sue for the "assault" and "take all their stuff".

The police aren't able to help much although they're not taking the assault
charges made by Porkchop very seriously (apparently she and her family has a
reputation for false accusations).

Now here's where things get personal.

My mother, in a moment of sympathy (and perhaps insanity) suggests that they
all move down to Texas.

So they do - but the husband has a court date at the end of the month so he
can't come.  My mother furnishes everybody else (remember, this is my Aunt,
my cousin and her four kids ranging in age from 7 to 17) plane tickets.

The idea is that they're all going to stay with my mother (remember, in her
two bedroom apartment) for "just a month or two" until the husband can come
down, find a job and get an apartment.

They've been down there for about a week now.  The kids were given all of
five days notice about this move - they're not happy.  My mother, used to
having her space and an EXTREMELY clean person is going mostly insane and my
father is apparently just along for the ride.

So, that's how a lesbian affair, a fat girl named "Porkchop" her drug dealer
boyfriend and lots of really stupid people resulted in my mother supporting
nine people in a two bedroom apartment.

My mother says, and I quote, "it won't cost too much more - just food and
stuff".  Of course food for nine costs just a little more than food for two.
However she's already taken them shopping and to rent movies and such (they
came to her with very, very little).

Throughout all of this my mother is still (against my wishes and all
reasonable sense) pulling a $10,000 savings bond out early to give us as a
housewarming present.  We don't want it - I want her to save it.  But she's
insisting.

I am so glad that our new house has an in-law - I've no doubt that my mother
will be ending up there.  We looked specifically for a house with an in-law
or attached apartment for this very reason.

Sorry for the length.  Typing it out is therapeutic.

Jim Davis


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