I feel like a real fuck-up right now. I should be really happy and excited because after my job in Charlottesville only lasted 5 months I've been able to get a couple of even better offers (which I won't get into right now, except to say that these are really excellent job offers, so I'll be genuinely okay financially for the first time in the last 5 years). And this is in spite of the fact that at first glance my resume makes me look like an utter flake, because the longest job I've had in that time has been a year and a half in Ft Lauderdale where I barely made ends meet. The chain of events is really screwed up tho. Shortly before cf.Objective and before I quit this job in Charlottesville I had to take some short-term contract work to pay for the conference, but I also borrowed some money (not a huge sum, but worth mentioning) from a friend. Since the conference I've been putting most of my days into job hunting and put off some additional contract work that I needed to float us by and/or help us move for the next job, such that I'm now completely flat again. We have just enough in the bank to pay rent, but nothing else, and I'm thinking that I need to borrow some cash from someone again in the interrim until I get some cash in on billable hours (since right now I don't have any outstanding hours, I'd have to get the hours first). Not a lot, just gas and grocery money. And like a complete ass at this point I've forgotten that I borrowed money from a friend just before cf.Objective, so I ask him again and of course, he reminds me that I still owe him from before. I plan to pay him back soon, but I'm mortified that I forgot and haven't paid him back. Over the years I've been able to borrow money occasionally from family, but my sister no longer talks to me (because my wife and I split up - she still lives with her husband who let our niece drown in the bathtub, so you can imagine her motivation), my mother is a recluse with a possibly imaginary husband at this point and has only ever just kept her head above water, I haven't seen her parents in years (I only talk to my mother semi-annually), which leaves my grandmother who's been the one person I've turned to dominantly when I've needed help. Problem is I was on the phone with my dad yesterday, telling him the good news about my job situation, and of course he says he doesn't have any cash he can spare to lend me although he would (he's a 50+year old network administrator now, so it's tough enough for him to convince people to hire him in the first place), but he tells me that he heard from an old family lawyer (colossal dick) recently who called to say that he'd been in Dallas and had stopped by to see my grandmother and that she was very sick and he didn't expect her to survive the month. She's had an in-home nurse the past year. So here I was thinking about calling her (before talking to my dad) and asking her for a handout and having that possibly be the last thing she hears from me. I want to scream until my lungs crack. I wouldn't even be contributing this much personal information to such a public forum except that in the last 3 years, this mailing list is the only community I've had... such as it is. My only support network is a group of people I've mostly never met, who all live hundreds or thousands of miles away from me. Watch this thread lose me a job 5 years from now.
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