Really well written man, I enjoyed the heel out of it. The only thing I would change at all is the unit designation. The real parachute infantry regiments are the 505th, 325th, 504th, 501st and 173rd.
At least those are the ones I know about. Oh wait, 325 is called an Airborne Infantry Regiment because they used to have the gliders. > -----Original Message----- > From: Jim Davis [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > Sent: Thursday, September 28, 2006 12:59 AM > To: CF-Community > Subject: Writing Critique Wanted - Military Views Appreciated > > There's a contest for an upcoming video game to write "a gritty war > journal" > of "one or two pages". > > The game is set in 1951, but no WWII occurred. Instead a mysterious > invasion force (aliens, we think) has crept from Russia to take all of > Europe. It's July 11th, 1951 and the American forces have hit the Western > shore of Britain in a massive offensive. > > Okay - it may be silly, but I gave it try. What do think? > > I'd like to be as authentic as possible without losing drama. I know the > whole damaged radio thing is probably a Maguffin but I wanted to force > one-way communication. > > Anyways, here it is. Be gentle. > > Thanks in advance, > > Jim Davis > > > > > [Transcribed from Radio Communication Logs.] > [Identification logged as Private First Class Wilson Jacobs, U.S. Army, > Company E, 217th Parachute Infantry Regiment. Current status: MIA.] > [Multiple Responses attempted, no success.] > > > > [11 JUL 51, 02:34] > > "Not sure of location... drop zone was Manchester but we started taking > heavy fire as soon as we hit the coast. We dumped as soon as we could. I > think we drifted south. My best guess is someplace north of Liverpool. > > I won't be able to hear you. The ear-piece was blown off with most of my > left hand. Sniper. I think I lost my ear too. I'm not sure; I haven't > been able to look yet. I'm not even sure if anybody's hearing me. > > Most of us were taken out in the air. I don't know how the bastards could > be so accurate. They use some weird kind of tracer round - it glows red > and > hums. Damn things look like orange sparklers. They got some of the boys > before they could even open their chutes. I don't know how they could see > them. > > If I had to guess I'd say that less than one man in 50 made it to the > ground > alive. > > I lost most of my equipment during the drop. I've still got my sidearm > and > my bayonet. > > I was one of the first ones out so I think I was at the tail end of the > drop. I'm going to move East and try to reconnect." > > > > [11 JUL 51, 03:17] > > "No friendly contacts. Ran into an enemy squad. They had one of our boys > hung upside-down by his own chute. They were cutting on him and throwing > pieces to some animals they had with them. I thought they were dogs at > first - they were about that size - but they didn't move like dogs. There > was no barking either. > > I hope he was already dead when they started. > > I was able to flank them without getting noticed and kept moving East. > > We heard all sorts of stories from the Irish refugees about demons and men > from Mars. They talked about burning blood and giant monsters like > something out of 'King Kong'. > > Command told us that the enemy was using some new gas weapon that could > make > you see things. > > I couldn't see that clearly, and I don't think I've been gassed, but I > swear > those bastards didn't look human to me." > > > > [11 JUL 51, 06:48] > > "I'm not sure what time it is - my watch was blown apart with my hand. > It's > lighter; a little after dawn but still cloudy. Hazy. I think I've moved > about four or five miles but I still don't know where I am. > > Saw a fire-fight from the top of a ridge a little while ago. I think it > was > our boys - I recognized BAR fire. The enemy squad was small - I only saw > six men - and they used those weird tracer rounds again. They really > ripped > into our line. But those boys held their own: I saw at least three of the > enemy go down. > > They sent a pack of those dog-things at our boys - they're definitely not > dogs but I'll be damned if I can say more than that. Things move like > cockroaches. A grenade got most of them before they hit the line. > > The enemy seems strange. They move differently... like they have too many > knees or something. But they're fast. Damn fast. The uniforms are > bizarre. With feathers or spikes or something across the back - it makes > them look a little like movie Indians. > > I'm holed up in a shed - a pig pen or feed house or something - about > two-hundred yards from a farm house. My head is starting to ache and my > missing thumb is itching something fierce. I'm going to rest here for a > bit > and then try to hook up with that squad." > > > > [11 JUL 51, 14:07] > > "I must have fallen asleep. Or passed out. I think it's early afternoon. > Cloudy still. It's been quiet. I was hoping to hear more noise - that > would have meant more of us made it to the fight. Or maybe I landed > farther > off the mark than I thought. > > I was able to use my bayonet as a mirror. I couldn't see the back but my > head is messed up pretty good. I could see skull showing through above > where my ear used to be. I don't know what they hit me with but it seemed > to somehow seal the wound - like it's burned closed. There's not much > blood. Lots of pain. The mother of all headaches. But only a little > blood. > > At this point I may as well sit tight until nightfall. That squad I saw > is > probably miles off." > > > > [11 JUL 51, 20:23] > > "I fell asleep again - I think I might be going into shock or something. > One of those dog-things was working at my boot when I woke up. I still > had > my bayonet in my hand and I slashed at it. It was softer than I thought - > it splattered like a bug. > > They're not dogs. About the same size as a poodle but nothing else like > it. > More like a weird squid or crab or something. I've never even heard of > anything like it. I don't know if it was just the smell of the thing or > the > head wound or both but my stomach couldn't take it. I couldn't stop > heaving > until I got away from that thing. > > I can't see any other movement but there's a small light, like a candle, > at > the farmhouse. It's probably going to be a mistake but I'm going to head > down there. They told us to look for help from the natives." > > > > [11 JUL 51, 20:57] > > "I should have left the farmhouse alone. As I came around the corner of > it > I ran into two enemy soldiers. We saw each other at the same time. I was > able to squeeze off a few rounds and took one out before I ducked behind > the > chimney. I think that saved my life. Whatever they're using cuts through > wood like butter but the brick offered at least some protection. > > I heard the other one running toward me and I jumped out firing when he > got > close. We collided and I passed out. > > I woke up with him on top of me. Dead. They're heavier than they look by > about half. Lanky but really solid. I broke at least two ribs running > into > him. They stink just as badly as the crab-things. > > I figured if anybody else was around they would have made an appearance by > now so I went into the farmhouse. It was small. The embers in the > fireplace were still glowing. > > I found the family in a bedroom... along with two more of the crab-things. > Feeding. I took them out with my last two rounds. The family - I think > there are three of them, maybe four - had been dead for at least a few > hours. > > I might have been able to do something if I had come down earlier." > > > > [11 JUL 51, 21:28] > > "I think I passed out again but not for long, the embers are still hot. > The > pain in my head is getting worse and the cracked ribs aren't helping. I > found some brandy in the cupboard; it took the edge off. > > I'm going to scrounge some gear and get out of here. It's too hot. I... > I > don't think I'm going to go into the bedroom again." > > > > [11 JUL 51, 22:28] > > "I tried to strip the enemy bodies but I couldn't figure out how in the > dark. I grabbed up the weapons - heavier than they look as well - but I'm > not sure how to use them yet. They don't look like any gun I'm used to. > I > was able to drag one of the bodies into the farmhouse and risked building > up > the fire a bit for light. I covered the windows as best I could. > > Maybe they did gas us, or maybe it's the head-wound making me loopy, but > this guy just isn't human. The blood is green. It doesn't burn but I've > got a nasty rash and it's raising boils wherever it hit my skin. > > Their faces... their faces are hard to describe. Six eyes. Six. In a > line > across the face. The mouth is like a lizard's - something out of > 'National > Geographic'. Sharp teeth, big fangs. No real nose... just holes where > one > would be. Those feather/spike things that I thought were part of the > uniform are part of them - like spines. They've got claws on their hands > and-- wait. I hear something." > > > > [11 JUL 51, 22:31] > > "There's a troop coming up the hill. I don't think they saw me yet. Two > of > them look enormous. At least 15' tall and carrying cannons the size of > Buicks. I've got to run. The radio's too heavy for me now and the > battery > won't last much longer anyway, this will be my last transmission. > > I'm going to circle around and try to meet up with that squad if I can. > If > not - I hope somebody's listening - please tell my folks that I did my > best > and I'm sorry I let them down." > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Introducing the Fusion Authority Quarterly Update. 80 pages of hard-hitting, up-to-date ColdFusion information by your peers, delivered to your door four times a year. http://www.fusionauthority.com/quarterly Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/CF-Community/message.cfm/messageid:216295 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/CF-Community/subscribe.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=11502.10531.5
