You know, I think they tested it out on me, because I was felt up when I went to Florida! (Apparently, my underwire beeped.)
Judith >WASHINGTON, D.C. > >The FAA is set to unleash a firestorm of criticism next week when it >issues a directive calling for "close, hands-on inspection" of all women >with >large breasts travelling on commercial airlines. > >The agency had considered this step for some time, as large amounts of >C-4 may easily be concealed inside a brassiere. Following last month's >incident in which a terrorist concealed explosives inside his shoes, the FAA >feels it has no choice but to proceed. > >Tests have shown that a 42D bra can easily contain sufficient explosives >to fatally damage a 747. And many bras, especially the very popular >Wonderbra, are manufactured with wire ribbing which can be easily altered to >act as >a detonation mechanism. > >"The problem is not the size of the mammaries, per se, but to determine >if what is inside them is indeed, the real thing. Breasts have a certain >feel, a certain consistency of texture, which is far different from C-4, and >about the only way you can determine if they are the real thing, as it were, >is to subject them to a vigorous pat-down and squeeze," an agency spokesman >said. > >Critics, especially spokespersons for NOW, have been quick to voice >their opposition. "It's profiling, it's sexist, and it's discriminatory," >NOW's legal counsel reported. "And besides, it's not the chest measurement, >it's the CUP size that counts. Everyone knows a 32D is far more dangerous >than a 38AA." > >NOW is drafting a communciation to Attorney General Ashcroft to demand >that he personally take a hands-on approach to developing standards for >these >inspections. "As women, NOW recognizes the need for enhanced security, >but this is a dangerous jiggling of our Constitutional rights." > >NOW has stated that they will advise all their members to refuse to be >patted down and squeezed, rather they will suggest that their members >remove their blouses and bras at the appropriate time to prove that they are >not concealing any contraband. When told of this, the FAA spokesman >responded, "YEEECCCHHH! Have you ever seen those NOW ladies?" > >Aside from increased airline safety, another positive from this new >directive is an expecting quintupling of the number of applicants for >the position of security screeners at airports. Indeed, demand for >applications is so high that the government is considering lowering the >starting >salary. Said Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta, "Obviously, if you have >a >popular job position, where people are beating down the door to apply, >you don't have to pay a competitive wage. This could save the government, >and ultimately the airlines, billions each year" > >In a related development, it is expected that Hollywood celebrities like >Madonna, Pamela Anderson, and Jennifer Lopez, will soon abandon their >private jets, in order to fly commercial. Paparazzi are already scoping >out the best locations. > >The new security procedures will no doubt result in lengthy delays. >"Before, when we had delays at airports, we would say that planes were >'stacked >up,'" one FAA wag noted, though off the record. "This gives a whole new >meaning to the term 'stacked,'" he snickered. > >When asked what was the FAA's policy on breast implants, the spokesman >said that were well aware of the question and were studying it avidly, but >"they needed more time to get their hands around the problem." > >Finally, the White House has announced that former President Bill >Clinton has volunteered his services free of charge to train airport >screeners >in response to President Bush's request that all Americans volunteer 2000 >hours of their time to good causes. > > > > > > > ______________________________________________________________________ Get the mailserver that powers this list at http://www.coolfusion.com Archives: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/index.cfm?sidebar=lists
