They may well affect my perception of the situation. I suspect that what youare saying also stems from some family observation about absent parents. But it matters whether the child is abandoned or simply not always in one single person's care. I think that's an artificial Hollywood expectation and possibly harmful.
But what I am saying here also comes from time on the ground, you know what I mean? I understand what you are saying, that parents are important, and for what it is worth I agree. However, it also occurs to me that the people who are casting the stones here each have just one, very young, child. At that stage of parenthood I thought there was one optimal way to do this stuff too. Over the years I have learned, especially with the homeschooling, to smile and say sorry, that just does not work well for our family. But there is PC thinking among homeschoolers too you know? I have seen families be condemned for putting a child back in school because oh, the kid wanted to go, or the parent had to go back to work, or whatever. Hell, I got banned from a homeschooling forum once for saying that there was value in teaching math. I have been told I don't know how many times that my ADD-diagnosed daughter just needed a good spanking. We all know what the PC is on that, right? There is a concept called a good-enough parent, and that is what I try to be. I have learned that there is no perfect, at least no perfect that there's a consensus out there on. Try too hard for perfect and you become one of those hovering parents of bratty children, where the children are both out of control and running the household. Trust me, that is not a recipe for happiness. As Tim says, you do what you have to do. I have seen parents decide that they owed their children an apology and endless submission for bringing them into the world, and most of them wound up resentful and disappointed that their children did not appreciate their sacrifices. I've tried to walk a middle path, with at least some success (I think). It's worth noting that there are studies showing that resilient children tend to occur in families where they are occasionally left the hell alone. Resilient is good; I will take resilient. So I guess what I would like to say to both you and to Beth is that I hear you but I think you both need to lighten up and realize that in ten years you will probably disagree with yourself :) On Fri, Sep 5, 2008 at 10:31 PM, denstar <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > On Fri, Sep 5, 2008 at 8:51 PM, Dana wrote: >> I guess I don't think I know enough to make that judgment. > > Ok, I'll give you that I'm throwing stones. > > *Sorry Rob, I was wrong!* > And disseminating or something like that. disingenuous. > > > Maybe the situation they have is perfect for them, and works just swell. > > Hell, who can say what makes a good family. Maybe all families are > good, and it's all relative. > > One parent, two parents, no parents... what difference does it make? > > Who am I to say something is "optimal" or not, right? Hell, > everything happens for a reason (a good one, in the long term, IMO). > >> YOU HAVE NO CLUE what goes on in that house or what "their best" might be. > > You are right. > > I hate it when people tell me that I have "so much potential", you > know? Who the hell are they to say that, from the outside? > >> PS -- and no I am not making any of that up. I have seen all of those >> accusations flung around, some but not all of them directed at me. >> When I lived in Florida I was reported to child protective services >> for having an internet account, I kid you not. And the scary thing was >> that they actually came out and investigated that :) > > I'm sure you're not making any of those up-- in fact, I think they > may affect the way you interpret what is said about working mothers > and whatnot. > > I'm not as naive as I appear, Dana, I've been around, and I'm not > trying to knock working mothers or something. > > If you've got the ability, you should be with your kids, unless, of > course, you're bad for them. > > That's just my opinion. > > Knowing people who never had the option, it makes me value the fact > that I can do it, you know? Sorry if it came across poorly. > > :Denny > > -- > I keep forgetting that there is really no such thing as good or bad-- > that it's all relative. > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Adobe® ColdFusion® 8 software 8 is the most important and dramatic release to date Get the Free Trial http://ad.doubleclick.net/clk;203748912;27390454;j Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/CF-Community/message.cfm/messageid:268237 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/CF-Community/subscribe.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=11502.10531.5
