Wow, this is so damn funny! Gruss Gott wrote: > > Andy Borowitz > BorowitzReport.com > Posted: July 7, 2009 01:39 PM > > People With No Lives Ponder Future After Jackson Memorial > > With the clock ticking down to the conclusion of the Michael Jackson > memorial today, millions of people who have no lives are in a quandary > about how they will fill the inevitable void. > > That's the word from the University of Minnesota, whose Opinion > Research Institute has been tracking the attitudes of people who have > nothing going on in their lives since the singer's death was first > announced. > > "We have been conducting telephone surveys with people who literally > have nothing happening in their lives," says the University of > Minnesota's Dr. Davis Logsdon. "We know we have an accurate sample, > because those are the only people who will agree to participate in a > telephone survey." > > According to the survey, 89% of the people with no lives agreed with > the statement, "I will probably wait for some other celebrity I have > not thought about for years to die and then I will get excessively > emotional about him or her." > > Dr. Logsdon said that for Americans with no lives, the death of > Michael Jackson was only one of two massive blows they have suffered > in the past few weeks: "Many of them had not recovered from the news > that Jon and Kate were getting a divorce. > > >
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