On Tue, Jun 7, 2011 at 5:07 PM, Gruss Gott <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Judah McAuley <[email protected]> wrote:
>>
>> To me, marriage is about commitment. I'm with my wife through thick
>> and thin, good times and bad, building a life together, raising a kid
>> together, mapping out a future together. Nothing about that really has
>> anything to do with sexual expression other than making sure we're
>> compatible.
>>
>
> If you attach emotions to sexual expression then sexual expression
> would have a lot to do with those other things. In fact it prevents
> many people from doing all those other things (case in point: Maria
> Shriver).
>
> But you're right in that not everyone associates emotions and sexual
> monogamy. Not to mention the disease risk.
I do attach emotions to sexual expressions but not everyone does. But
it still doesn't mean that all relationships are created equal. I've
had people that I absolutely love and adore, who I enjoyed sexually
and otherwise and still had no intention of creating a joint life
together for the foreseeable horizon of my life.
> An interesting comparison might be finances. My wife spends money on
> things I wouldn't and vice-versa. We tolerate this "promiscuous
> financial expression" because those things make us as individuals
> happy, but the bulk of our spending is done together for our mutual
> benefit.
>
> We have a $50 rule, but even that would be void if it happened every month.
The big thing is that the variety of ways that people can do ethical
relationships is almost infinite. I know people who have one primary
relationship and then there are other people who they will be sexual
with but they swear it will never be about love. In subsets of those,
some with only play with couples, others will play single people,
others will play with both people only in the same room, others have
totally different rules. I know people who have a primary relationship
and then other bdsm relationships, like consensual slavery, that are
incredibly emotional but have no sexual component at all. If fact, I
know a monogamous lesbian couple where one of the partners has a gay
male service submissive. I know couples that identify themselves as
the primary couple ("married") who will have lovers they care for but
identify them as more in a boyfriend/girlfriend category. I know
triads and other configurations where the people all live together in
group situation raising a family and considering themselves equally
married to one another. And, yes, I know heterosexual monogamous
happily married couples too.
Cheers,
J
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