The West Wing based a show on that joke .
On Wed, Feb 13, 2013 at 2:46 PM, Jerry Barnes <[email protected]> wrote: > > On the issue of the Bible and laws, I find the following pretty humorous: > > > > Dear Dr. Laura, > > Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have > learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with > as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual > lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly > states it to be an abomination. End of debate. > > I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific > laws and how to best follow them. > > a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a > pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They > claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? > > b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus > 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? > > c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her > period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I > tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. > > d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and > female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of > mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you > clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? > > e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 > clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill > him myself? > > f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an > Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I > don't agree. Can you settle this? > > g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a > defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my > vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? > > h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair > around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. > How should they die? > > i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me > unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? > > j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different > crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two > different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse > and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble > of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't > we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with > people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) > > I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can > help. > > Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. > > Your devoted disciple and adoring fan. > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Order the Adobe Coldfusion Anthology now! http://www.amazon.com/Adobe-Coldfusion-Anthology/dp/1430272155/?tag=houseoffusion Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/message.cfm/messageid:361005 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/subscribe.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/unsubscribe.cfm
