I have yet to send an email.....but I am glad you are still with us!

----- Original Message -----
From: "Ben Braver" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: "CF-Community" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2003 4:46 PM
Subject: Almost Gone and Back Again, A Hospital Tale


> by Benbo Braver
> <with sincere apologies to J.R.R. Tolkien>
>
> (LONG post, sorry.)
>
> Promised to recount what happened, how it felt, etc.
>
> Hope these "few" words from the brink may inspire some others on the list
> to make changes before looking into the Grand Canyon with a hand on your
back.
>
> Before:
> 5'11", as high as 283 pounds barenaked. Mostly around middle (bad) -
> couldn't easily see feet :-(
> BP not too high, typ. 130s over 80s.
> Cholesterol and ratio not good - as of last August,
> Total Chol. 274, Triglycerides 366, HDL 40 (should be over 45), LDL 161
> (s/b under 100)
>
> Realistically, needed to lose about 90 pounds, really change the lipid
> panel numbers.
>
> Was doing "strength/endurance" exercise trying to rehab the hip and back
> muscles, and get in generally better condition, but was not doing hardly
> any aerobic stuff (walking was tough with the injured hip muscle). Also
had
> motivation limits on how much time I was willing to spend at the gym.
>
> Father had angina pectoris - means "choking sensation of the chest".
> Like a heart attack, but no permanent damage because heart isn't deprived
> of oxygen for very long.
> His was induced by exercise and stress.
> He stuck nitroglycerin tablets under the tongue to relieve symptoms.
> Then he had a couple of small heart attacks, followed by a fatal one at
age
> 54.
>
> A couple of days before my attack, I was talking about stress with my
boss.
> He's a really super mellow person, on the outside at least.
> Hardly ever seems "ruffled".
> I asked if he ever had "anxiety attacks", feeling tight in the chest,
> anxious, wondering how to "get it all done".
> He said (surprisingly) "more often then I want to admit, lately".
> I was also thinking about unfinished work and an upcoming vacation.
> Plus the stress of "hormone week" at home, the friction with the son, etc.
> Figured a vacation was just what I needed.
> But the vacation was also a source of some stress - would I be able to ski
> (how would the hip/back muscles do?), etc.
>
> The morning of the attack, I awoke about 5:30am, before the alarm went
off.
> Felt almost panicky.
> Tight feeling under sternum (breastbone), but no "pain".
> Thought "this feels like my Dad described angina."
> Decided to try the first aid his doctor had recommended - straight shot of
> whiskey.
> Believe it or not, padded out to kitchen in my robe, tossed down a jigger
> of JD.
> (Very unusual - never drink except maybe one cocktail before dinner or
wine
> with a meal.)
> That felt somewhat better, lessened the tightness.
> Thought "gotta keep a close eye on this, report it to doctor later today,
> maybe go get checked."
> Wife woke up, said "feeling stressed, need a hug". That helped too.
>
> Went to the throne room, relaxed quite a bit responding with puns to some
> cf-comm posts (WiFi in PocketPC).
> <sorry>
>
> Got dressed, felt good enough to go to work.
> Told wife if I felt bad, could go to Medical at work.
> She says she should have insisted right then that I go to the ER and get
> examined.
> She's probably right - but on the other hand, if the symptoms lessened,
> they might have checked and sent me away.
>
> Driving to work, just before my freeway exit, started feeling more tight,
> and worried.
> Found myself reciting the "Shema" prayer out loud in Hebrew (uh-oh...).
> (In English, "hear, o Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One".)
> Thought about driving to hospital, decided I was closer to work, and could
> get the EMTs giving me first aid while they got an ambulance if needed.
>
> Got into office, sat down, started feeling queasy (not nauseous), cold
> sweat on forehead.
> No pain, but numbness down the left arm to the elbow, and a CRUSHING
> pressure on the chest -
> like an elephant was sitting on it.
>
> Was reaching for the phone to call the Emergency number, when my boss
stuck
> his head in to say good morning.
>
> He said "hey, you don't look well - you look WHITE."
> I said "I don't feel well, I feel green, and..."
>
> Never got to tell him about the pressure - he interrupted to say "can I
> take you to Medical?"
> I said "yes, now!".
>
> A mistake - walked across the street to the parking lot to his car
(slowly).
> Should have said please bring the car over.
>
> At Medical, rang the bell, started signing in.
> Voice said "be right with you".
> I said "please make it sooner, not later - having chest pains".
> By this point, it hurt.
>
> Within a minute, he and the gal on duty had me lying down, chewing on an
> aspirin tablet, trying to attach EKG leads (but I was sweating too much).
>
> She said to him quietly "should I initiate transport?" and I looked up.
> He said "do you understand that?"
> I said "if she means initiate ambulance transport to the hospital, yes
> please".
>
> The paramedics got there, slid me onto a gurney, wheeled me out, put me in
> the ambulance.
> Guy said "I'm a paramedic, gonna be starting an IV in your arm."
> I said "paramedic? as in Airborne??"
> You should have seen the look he gave me.
> But heck, I was still alive, getting care.
> Should I just roll over and die?? No way.
> He gave me a spray of nitro in my mouth - a lot quicker than the old
> tablets dissolving.
> They kept asking "on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being none, and 10 being
> the most excruciating pain imaginable, how much pain are you having?"
> It started at 6, went down to about 4 after the aspirin and couple of
nitro
> squirts.
>
> I could tell from counting the speed bumps that as soon as they went out
> the refinery gate they turned on siren and sped up. One of the best
> emergency facilities in the area is Mt. Diablo Medical Center, only about
2
> miles from the gate (or about 4 miles from Medical, 5 miles from my office
> - it's a BIG place.)
>
> Think I had a total of 2 or 3 squirts of nitro. It dilates (opens) the
> arteries to the heart, increases blood flow, relieves chest pain from
> angina, reduces the heart's workload. May or may not reduce risk of death
> in a heart attack. But it also drops blood pressure - this may be good or
bad.
>
> At least with the IV started, I was all ready for whatever drugs the
> hospital wanted to dump in.
>
> In the ER, cardiologist introduced himself, started telling me the things
> they would do, and might have to do (needed to get me to sign "informed
> consent" forms). (Later found out he's one of the best cardio's in the
area.)
>
> Said they were going to administer clot-busting drug, TNK (Tenecteplase) -
> breaks up clot, prevents the ongoing damage from a heart attack. (Damage
is
> from heart tissue beyond the clot being deprived of blood flow therefore
> oxygen.)
>
> Then they would do angiogram - go in with catheter through femoral artery
> in groin, put in contract die (iodine-based) to allow taking images of the
> arteries and determine how many clogged, how much.  He asked if I knew
what
> that was, said "yes, had one in 1982. Was very uncomfortable and
> stressful."  He said "now we use Conscious Sedation" - local anesthetic
> plus tranquilizers. Not as dangerous as general anesthetic, but you're
> kinda zonked out...
>
> Dr said they would probably do a balloon angioplasty, might insert a stent
> (I said "oh good, my wife owns stock in Medtronic" and OY did I get an
> unbelieving look for that one), and possibly emergency bypass surgery.
>
> I signed the forms, and went off to the cath lab.
> Don't remember much at all.
>
> This all started when I got to work at 8am. By 11am or earlier, I was
> sitting up in bed, wired and hosed, wondering whether I was really going
to
> be ok. In walks my wife. I broke out in a huge smile, said "gee, you look
> wonderful". :-)
>
> At this point, the pain was virtually gone.
>
> Asked the wife to email MikeyD, so he could tell the list what happened.
>
> BTW they _did_ put in a stent - 12mm long mesh cylinder of steel, like a
> liner for the damaged portion of artery. (The circumflex artery.) It
> expands to hold the artery open, then integrates with the artery wall over
> time. I can't have an MRI for a couple of months, for obvious reasons.
>
> Had some ups and downs - apparently, a combination of 2 drugs they gave me
> (a beta blocker and ??) lowered my BP too much, it went down to
> 70-something over 40-something, they got worried.  Felt wierd while they
> got the BP stabilized.
>
> Had an IV in the back of each hand, a red "ET light" oxygen and pulse
> sensor on a finger, EKG electrodes on the chest. And a wound in the inside
> hip joint from the catherter. Very difficult to rest comfortably or adjust
> position in bed. Found it difficult to concentrate on reading, tv,
anything
> - partly from the drugs, partly from exhaustion and stress.
>
> Had a BP cuff on one arm, all the time. Prevented me from bending the arm
> fully.
> For a while, they were taking the BP every 15 minutes (!!) - it
transmitted
> to the nurses' station.
> I could see the monitor above my bed, with some difficulty, and see an
> occasional wierd-feeling heartbeat show up as a blip on the EKG graph.
(Was
> told that my left ventricle might fire too strongly or out of sequence
> sometimes, as the heart got used to having more oxygen.)
>
> Did _not_ enjoy having to use a urinal - many, many times a day, too,
> because of all the IV fluids.
> Re: the alternative, that part of the body just switched off completely,
> thankfully.
> Didn't re-activate until Saturday when I got into a room with a real
> bathroom <yay>.
>
> They had me on solid food as of lunch Thursday - but low cal, low
> cholesterol, low sodium menu. OK. I actually got to pick my meals from
> several choices. Better than a lot of airline food I've had :-)
>
> Hospitals give you medications on a schedule - hence the classic line
"wake
> up to take your sleeping pill" (not relevant in my case, but funny).
>
> After a while, it got "old" and boring - ok, folks, I'm alive and starting
> to recover. Now I'm uncomfortable. Tried really hard not to complain,
> considering the alternative. Felt almost euphoric, elated mentally while
> hassled physically. Strange.
>
> Friday, they were supposed to move me to a regular room, but didn't have a
> bed available. So I got kept in CCU. At least I was able to talk them into
> giving me a telephone.
>
> Was I ever surprised when MikeyD talked his way through the nurses and got
> me on the phone. He wanted to know my Hebrew name so he could say a
> traditional prayer for healing for me - much appreciated!!  And even more
> surprised when a little later Friday afternoon, Eri*K*a and Philip from
> England got me on the phone. Wow.
>
> Saturday afternoon, one of my rabbis came over to visit. A while after
> that, they moved me to a regular room, with a roommate. This was another
> trip - roommate was 81 years old, had just gotten a pacemaker. He worked
at
> the same refinery I do (under prior owners) from 1945 to 1977 when he
> retired. Boy, was he happy to have an audience for all his stories - I
> understood enough to ask questions and draw him out. (And of course I got
> to tell him stories <g>.)
>
> Uncanny - we both have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. We both have photography
> as a hobby. I'm going to Australia in 6 months, he just got back 6 months
ago.
>
> So, now that I'm home, it's hard to just sit or lie down and rest.
> But I don't have a lot of endurance - so eventually I give in and take it
> easy.
>
> Am going down to the gym at least every other day to do the exercise bike
> or treadmill, while monitoring pulse rate. Need to work up to 30 minutes
or
> more every day.
>
> Am also going up and down the stairs at home a lot - partly for exercise,
> partly because my computer is up there <g>. Then I have to go downstairs
to
> eat or pee.  Amazing what those diuretic pills can do <ha>.
>
> Really conscious of every little twinge or funny feeling, but for the most
> part feel better than I did before (but tired).
> Think about it - if a blood vessel in the heart were 50% blocked, and now
> it's open, what a difference that makes.
> When you add this to the thyroid medication and the air pump for sleep
> apnea, the brain is actually functioning !!
>
> Wife goes between the "stiff upper lip" and breaking down crying saying
> "I'm glad you didn't die".
>
> Sorry for the length of the post, but it feels good to lay it all out.
>
> OK, folks - a couple of items from the "bully pulpit" -
> (1) get your cholesterol and blood pressure tested
> (2) get regular exercise
> (3) learn to reduce stress
> (4) be here longer for those who love you.
>
> -Ben Braver
>
>
> 
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