You are the President of the United States. U.S. Scientists have discovered that a large meteor is headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in just two days, at approximately 2:30 a.m. Washington time.
The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of >the earth forever. > >France and the United Nations have requested that the United States >send >all >available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Among the ships >and planes you could be sending are many that are presently being used to >fight the war on terror overseas. > >As the President, you must decide: Do you... > > > > >A) Stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live? > >or > >B) Tape it and watch it in the morning? ..... or I choose C) fly to France to urinate on the ashes _________________________________ >The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the >train, >looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent >to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. > >The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" > >The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, >"You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my >Little Fife is using that seat?" > >The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after >another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the >woman with the dog. > >Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." > >The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not >only >are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" > >The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the >little >dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. > >The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and >chastise the soldier. > >An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, >you >Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat >holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side >of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window. _________________________________________ show your support.... http://www.defendamerica.mil/nmam.html _________________________________________ >Business-Speak > >What They Said: "Accounting procedures" >What They Meant: "Ways to cheat" > >Said: "I don't recall" >Meant: "I already shredded everything." > >Said: "Synergy" >Meant: "Collusion" > >Said: "We are revectoring portions of the company." >Meant: "You're fired." > >Said: "We are downsizing." >Meant: "You're fired." > >Said: "We are offering you early retirement." >Meant: "You're fired." > >When they actually say, "You're fired," what they really mean is, >"We've >checked with our lawyers. You're out of here, and we dare you to sue us." > > >Medical-Speak > >Said: "Appointment" >Meant: "An opportunity to wait until the doctor feels like seeing you." > >Said: "A few more minutes." >Meant: "You have time to read the entire National Geographic." > >Said: "Cutting edge procedure" >Meant: "Your insurance won't cover it." > >Said: "Discomfort" >Meant: "Pain" > >Said: "Procedure" >Meant: "Surgery" > >Said: "Fairly Routine Procedure" >Meant: "Major Surgery" > >Said: "Routine Procedure" >Meant: "Something experimental and dangerous." > >Said: "Latest medical research" >Meant: "This week's guess." > >When they say, "We did all that we could under the circumstances with >the >knowledge that we had at the time," what they really mean is, "We blew it." > > > >Government-Speak > >Said: "Accountability without stifling the entrepreneurial spirit." >Meant: "Let the big guys keep cheating." > >Said: "Social conscience" >Meant: "Public opinion polls" > >Said: "A candidate with a good record." >Meant: "He hasn't been indicted yet." > >Said: "We've got them on the run." >Meant: "We have no idea where they are." > >Said: "A heightened security level alert this weekend." >Meant: Act like you normally do. We just need to scare you every so >often >so you'll let us get rid of more civil liberties." > >When they say, "We've discovered new covert threatening activities in >the >region, but we aren't at liberty to divulge the details," what they're >really saying is, "We've got to start this war soon before everyone starts >blaming us for the economy." > > > >School-Speak > >Said: "Fluid curriculum" >Meant: "We don't know what we're doing." > >Said: "Developmental, not age-driven learning." >Meant: "What do we care when your kid learns to read?" > >Said: "Challenging instructor" >Meant: "A bad teacher we just can't fire." > >When parents say, "You won't learn anything if we help you with your >math >homework," what they really mean is: "I don't remember what the hell a >cosine is." > > > >Personal Relationship-Speak > >Said: "We'll get together soon." >Meant: "Stop calling me." > >Said: "I have to get up early tomorrow." >Meant: "I never want to see you again." > >Said: "The kids never gave me your message." >Meant: "I didn't feel like calling you back." > >Said: "Let's prioritize." >Meant: "Let's do the things I want to do." > >Said: "I'm listening." >Meant: "I'm trying to watch TV." > >Said: "You're in denial." >Meant: "You're disagreeing with me." > >Said: "I'm still processing what you said." >Meant: "I forgot what you said." > >Said: "That's a good color for you." >Meant: "Have you gained weight?" > >Said: "Hey, Buddy, it's great to see you." >Meant: "I have no idea what your name is." ______________________________________ just dripping....no pun intended(perhaps a small one)....with Irony! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5 This list and all House of Fusion resources hosted by CFHosting.com. 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