These are funny, but I know that a few of them aren't by "Jack Handy". The universe one is by Douglas Adams, for instance. I recognize several others but can't place them.
-Kevin > -----Original Message----- > From: William Wheatley [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 10:33 AM > To: CF-Community > Subject: DEEP THOUGHTS > > > Deep Thoughts > by Jack Handy > > 1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a > day; > teach that person to use the Internet and they > won't bother you for weeks. > > 2. Some people are like slinkies...not really good > for anything, but you still can't help but smile > when you see one tumble down the stairs. > > 3. I read recipes the same way I read science > fiction. I get to the end and I think, " Well, > that's not going to happen." > > 4. Health nuts are going to feel really stupid > someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. > > 5. The other night I ate at a real family > restaurant. > Every table had an argument going. > > 6. Have you noticed since everyone has a > camcorder these days..... > no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used > to? > > 7. According to a recent survey, men say the first > thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, > and women say the first thing they notice about > men is they're a bunch of liars. > > 8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. > > 9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. > It pays no attention to criticism. > > 10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase > costs you two hundred dollars..... > and a substantial tax cut saves you about > thirty cents? > > 11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world > weird. > Now the world is weird and people take Prozac > to make it normal. > > 12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest > profession. > I have come to realize that it bears a very close > resemblance to the first. > > 13. There is a theory, which states that if ever > anybody discovers exactly what the universe is > for and why it is here, it will instantly > disappear and be replaced by something even > more bizarre and inexplicable. > There is another theory which states that this > has already occurred. > > 14. How is it one careless match can start a forest > fire, > but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? > > 15. You read about all those terrorists..most of > them came here legally, but they hung around > on these expired visas, some for as long as ... > 10-15 YEARS. > Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you're two > days late with a video and those people are all > over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of > immigration. > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5 Signup for the Fusion Authority news alert and keep up with the latest news in ColdFusion and related topics. http://www.fusionauthority.com/signup.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5
