oh, WOW this is good !!! /Ben > Ripped from http://www.hellermountain.com/ > Original source unknown. > > > A Bedtime Story: A Cautionary Tale > (Source Unknown) > > Q. Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq? > A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction. > > Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction. > A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them. > > Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq? > A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections. > > Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass > destruction, did we? > A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find > something, probably right before the 2004 election. > > Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction? > A: To use them in a war, silly. > > Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a > war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with > them? > A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons,
> so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves. > > Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all > those big weapons with which they could have fought back? > A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense. > > Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons > our government said they did. > A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. > We had another good reason to invade them anyway. > > Q: And what was that? > A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was > a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country. > > Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his > country? > A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people. > > Q: Kind of like what they do in China? > A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, > where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. > corporations richer. > > Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, > it's a good country, even if that country tortures people? > A: Right. > > Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured? > A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who > criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured. > > Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China? > A: I told you, China is different. > > Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq? > A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is > Communist. > > Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad? > A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad. > > Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad? > A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent > to prison and tortured. > > Q: Like in Iraq? > A: Exactly. > > Q: And like in China, too? > A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, > is not. > > Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor? > A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws > that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba > until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us. > > Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started > doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists? > A: Don't be a smart-ass. > > Q: I didn't think I was being one. > A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba. > > Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement? > A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein > came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate > leader anyway. > > Q: What's a military coup? > A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by > force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States. > > Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup? > A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our > friend. > > Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate? > A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate. > > Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly > overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate > leader? > A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us > invade Afghanistan. > > Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan? > A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th. > > Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th? > A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi Arabians - > hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings in New York > and Washington, killing 3,000 innocent people. > > Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that? > A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of > the Taliban. > > Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's > heads and hands? > A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's > heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too. > > Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back > in May of 2001? > A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job > fighting drugs. > > Q: Fighting drugs? > A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium > poppies. > > Q: How did they do such a good job? > A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would > have their hands and heads cut off. > > Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing > flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for > other reasons? > A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's > hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for > stealing bread. > > Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia? > A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that > oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, > with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply. > > Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too? > A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering. > > Q: What's the difference? > A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet > fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes > and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal > oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and > fingers. > > Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name. > A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our > friends. > > Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from > Saudi Arabia. > A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan. > > Q: Who trained them? > A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden. > > Q: Was he from Afghanistan? > A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad > man. > > Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once. > A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of > Afghanistan back in the 1980s. > > Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald... > A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or > thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call > them Russians now. > > Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends? > A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after > they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our > invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and > the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either. > > Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too? > A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French Fries > and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast. > > Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we > want them to do? > A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade. > > Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s? > A: Well, yeah. For a while. > > Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then? > A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our > friend, temporarily. > > Q: Why did that make him our friend? > A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy. > > Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds? > A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the > other way. > > Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our > friend? > A: Most of the time, yes. > > Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an > enemy? > A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit > by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better. > > Q: Why? > A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. > Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless > un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq? > > Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right? > A: Yes. A Bedtime Story: A Cautionary Tale > > Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq? > A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what > to do. > > Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George > W. Bush hears voices in his head? > A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, > make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night. > > Q: Good night, Daddy. > > (Source Unknown - Currently making the rounds > in e-mail throughout the WWW) > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5 Get the mailserver that powers this list at http://www.coolfusion.com Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5
