Things I MUST remember, by The DOG 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind the 'fridge or sofa or under the bed. 4. I must shake the rainwater off on my coat before entering the house. 5. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick. 7. I will not throw up in the car. 8. I will not roll on dead or decaying mammals, fish or fowl just because I like the way they smell. 9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food. 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my owners will think I am hemorrhaging. 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 15. Even thought we have a door bell, I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with them. 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 19. I will not bite the trooper's hand when he reaches in for Dad's drivers license and car registration. 20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 21. To avoid having a string hanging out of my butt, I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage. 22. I will not "roll around in the dirt" after getting a bath. 23. I will not fart, belch or sneeze at my owner while sleeping in their bed. 24. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. 25. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner. 26. The cat is not a squeaky toy. . . So when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
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