Having children and grandchildren, and being a Cavalier breeder, I can surely relate
to this story.
If you have a teacher-friend, they can probably "top" this story.... but this one is
pretty hilarious. You never know about these kids.....
Betsy, a grammar-school teacher from Miami, remembers this
Oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her students...
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids
myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own
second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few
Show & Tell with my students. It helps them get over shyness and
experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and
some guarenteed entertainment.
Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles,
model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And
I
never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
out-going kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with
a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of
an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about
his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him as a symbol
of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother's stomach,
and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an
umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying
not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling. The kids
are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays
ago, my mother starts going, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Erica puts a hand
behind her back and groans.
"She walked around the house for, like an hour, "Oh, oh, oh!'"
Now the kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back
and groaning."My father called the middle wife. She delivers
babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's
man. They got my mother to lie down in bed like this." Erica
lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My
mother had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got
thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
psshhheew!"
The kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming
water flowing away. It was too much! Then the middle wife
starts going push, push, and breathe, breathe. They start
counting, but they never even got past ten. Then, all of a
sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff
they said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of
stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to
her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if
it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder - just in case
another Erica comes along.
Rosanne
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