RE:

[Brenda Chance]

One more statement, no it is not the facility’s job to keep the bonds of marriage intact, but, maybe, you are different than me.  I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and if you knew this gentlemen when he was not cognitively impaired, then you would know that he would not have courting another woman with his wife alive.  I believe that we do have the job of living moral lives and that extends into our jobs at times.  There was no way that we were going to say to a family that it was okay for their father to be intimate  with another woman while their mother was alive.  Sometimes you just have to do what is right and not what feels good.   Brenda W. Chance, RN, RAC-C MDS Coordinator     CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This e-mail message, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message. -----Original Message----- From: Nathan Lake [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 4:12 PM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Re:   I have a problem with this. Should I come to your house and monitor your personal activities just because I feel they are inappropriate. Just because someone has Alzheimer's does not mean we should stop them from being intimate. I disagree with you when you say you don't have consenting adults. Unless the courts have found them incompetent, they have all the rights of any other adult in our society. The courts have repeatedly enforcing the rights of the mentally retarded to have relationships, enter into marriage, and have children. How is this any different? That is just the legal end of it. What about quality of life? If both of these adults are finding some comfort in the intimacy, who is being hurt? With the little time they may have left in this life, why shouldn't they enjoy it.   As for the resident being married...it is not the facility's job or responsibility to enforce the legalities surrounding marriage. The same is true of the family. That may be painful, but life can be that way sometimes.   Nathan     ----- Original Message ----- From: Brenda Chance To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 12:47 PM Subject: RE:   We had this same situation that happened in our dementia unit as well. Only it went a little farther than kissing on the cheek!    And, also the gentleman’s wife was a resident on our skilled unit and he didn’t really remember who she was.  We gradually separated them, little by little because it was distressing for these families as well.  We educated the families that this happened with residents who were demented as well as those who were oriented and in the real world.  Sexual attraction never stops as well as wanting to have a companion.    Unfortunately, with both of them being demented, you really don’t have 2 consenting adults.  This was the crux of our issue was well.    The families assisted us somewhat in our plan and it has worked.  We started involving them in separate activities, did a lot of 1:1 time with each of them doing hobbies specific to each one.  We started having special time for the women and then special time for the men.  Gradually, they kind of forgot who each other was.    I hate that we had to do that.  It was sad to me, because, in their minds, they were young again in love.  Now the resident that was on our skilled unit does not know who her husband is and the other lady has been trying to make a new boyfriend.  Sounds like a soap opera, huh?????????????????????????   Brenda W. Chance, RN, RAC-C MDS Coordinator     CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This e-mail message, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message. -----Original Message----- From: STEE,LAURIE [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 3:25 PM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject:   Does anyone have any good advice on what the best way to handle two residents who believe that they are husband and wife and it is very upsetting to their families when they visit to see them together?  This is in our alzheimers unit and they are really not inappropriate other than they are not really married.  Actions are like holding hands, hugging, kissing on the cheek, and one time so far laying in bed together.  Thanks for your input and help!   Laurie Stee, RN Sioux Valley Canby Campus Senior Haven 507-223-7277 ext. 217   ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Confidentiality Notice: This e-mail message, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain privileged and confidential information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message.