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Thank you Nathan!
We also should not be paternalistic towards our
residents. They are not children no matter their cognitive level.
Our job is to ensure their safety. As long as neither party experienced any
mental or physical distress over the relationship, then we cannot step in stop
it. I am afraid that some attorneys may suggest that it would be better to
end this than deal with any allegations made by the family whether it is was
over the sexual activity or some other reason. Our job with the family is
to educate and to provide a mechanism to help them deal with the grief they are
experiencing. It is grief as they are experiencing the loss of their loved
one's prior identity as they knew it. Alzheimer's is very much a family
disease.
One suggestion is to contact your ombudsmen.
I'd be interested in what they have to say about this in regards to resident
rights.
Margie
"There are two ways of spreading the light: to be the candle or the
mirror that reflects
it."
Edith Wharton
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 6:13
PM
Subject: Re:
I would counter by saying two things..It is not
your place to impose your morality onto a resident. If we allow that to happen
for this instance, then why not allow it when the hospice resident refuses
life-sustaining treatment, or a woman pregnant by rape chooses to have an
abortion. These types of decisions are reserved for the individual and just
because this person happens to live in a LTC facility does not change that
fact. Personal liberties are not made available only when there is
unanimous agreement with the individuals beliefs. As a country we either
support an individuals rights or we don't. It can't be a sometimes kind of
thing. When the decisions of an individual are such that they are clearly
contrary to societal norms, we have the court system to address
them.
As for what the resident would have done prior to
being impaired, we all change as we go through life. For some it is just the
normal process of growing up and growing old. For others it is a disease
process that bring about the change. Who are we to say that the decision that
two residents make now is less valid than the one they would have made 5 years
ago. There are lots of things I would not have done in my youth that I would
now. Does that make my deicisions now wrong?
Nathan
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 2:10
PM
Subject: RE:
One more statement, no it is not the
facility�s job to keep the bonds of marriage intact, but, maybe, you are
different than me. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and if you
knew this gentlemen when he was not cognitively impaired, then you would
know that he would not have courting another woman with his wife
alive. I believe that we do have the job of living moral lives and
that extends into our jobs at times. There was no way that we were
going to say to a family that it was okay for their father to be intimate
with another woman while their mother was alive. Sometimes you
just have to do what is right and not what feels good.
Brenda W. Chance,
RN, RAC-C
MDS
Coordinator
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-----Original
Message-----
From: Nathan
Lake [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 4:12
PM
To:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject:
Re:
I have a problem with this.
Should I come to your house and monitor your personal activities just
because I feel they are inappropriate. Just because someone has Alzheimer's
does not mean we should stop them from being intimate. I disagree with you
when you say you don't have consenting adults. Unless the courts have found
them incompetent, they have all the rights of any other adult in our
society. The courts have repeatedly enforcing the rights of the
mentally retarded to have relationships, enter into marriage, and have
children. How is this any different? That is just the legal end of it. What
about quality of life? If both of these adults are finding some comfort in
the intimacy, who is being hurt? With the little time they may have left in
this life, why shouldn't they enjoy it.
As for the resident being
married...it is not the facility's job or responsibility to enforce the
legalities surrounding marriage. The same is true of the family. That may be
painful, but life can be that way sometimes.
----- Original Message -----
Sent:
Tuesday, April 20, 2004 12:47 PM
We had this
same situation that happened in our dementia unit as well. Only it went a
little farther than kissing on the cheek! And, also the
gentleman�s wife was a resident on our skilled unit and he didn�t really
remember who she was. We gradually separated them, little by little
because it was distressing for these families as well. We educated
the families that this happened with residents who were demented as well
as those who were oriented and in the real world. Sexual attraction
never stops as well as wanting to have a companion.
Unfortunately, with both of them being demented, you really
don�t have 2 consenting adults. This was the crux of our issue was
well.
The
families assisted us somewhat in our plan and it has worked. We
started involving them in separate activities, did a lot of 1:1 time with
each of them doing hobbies specific to each one. We started having
special time for the women and then special time for the men.
Gradually, they kind of forgot who each other was.
I hate that
we had to do that. It was sad to me, because, in their minds, they
were young again in love. Now the resident that was on our skilled
unit does not know who her husband is and the other lady has been trying
to make a new boyfriend. Sounds like a soap opera,
huh?????????????????????????
Brenda W.
Chance, RN, RAC-C
MDS
Coordinator
CONFIDENTIALITY
NOTICE: This e-mail message, including any attachments,
is
for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential
and
privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or
distribution
is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please
contact
the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original
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-----Original
Message-----
From:
STEE,LAURIE [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 3:25
PM
To:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject:
Does anyone have any good
advice on what the best way to handle two residents who believe that they
are husband and wife and it is very upsetting to their families when they
visit to see them together? This is in our alzheimers unit and they
are really not inappropriate other than they are not really married.
Actions are like holding hands, hugging, kissing on the cheek, and
one time so far laying in bed together. Thanks for your input and
help!
Laurie Stee, RN
Sioux Valley Canby Campus
Senior Haven
507-223-7277 ext.
217
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Notice: This e-mail message, including any attachments,
is for the sole
use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain
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