--- In [EMAIL PROTECTED], "Meghann Bell" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> 

Dear Meghann, 
Welcome to the group and I am sorry for the reason you had to join. 
Your head must still be spinning since your diagnosis, especially 
weighing the BMT vs. Gleevec decision. It is so hard! It is a very 
personal decision. But you have come to the right place to find lots 
of true empathy. And lots of opinions. 

I was dx'd at 29 right after having my first baby, in 12/01. My 
hemotologist at the time said that BMT was the only way to go, but 
said that if my sister did not match, even a BMT was a bad idea. 
Basically he said, "take interferon, get your sister tested, and get 
your affairs in order. Oh yeah, and enjoy your baby, if you are 
lucky you will have about 5-7 years to spend with her". He was nicer 
about it than that, but that was the message! I got 2nd and 3rd 
opinions from more experienced doctors, and both said to start the 
Gleevec, see if it works, and re-evaluate the BMT route after that. 
My only sister was not a match, but I do have common HLA types and 
they project that I have at least 50 potential donors out there. But 
the Gleevec worked right away, and my side effects, albeit *very* 
annoying, are manageable. I work full time from a home office and 
spend a ton of time with my now 3 year old daughter.  My quality of 
life is great. 

I often think about the "what-ifs" because it sure would be nice to 
be "cured". It is bothersome to have to worry about the potential 
toxicity of Gleevec and the potential of it failing. But people on 
this list have made a good point - what does "cured" mean? Ten 
years? Well, call me selfish, but I want more than that! 

Plus, personally, I doubt I'd stop worrying even after a successful 
BMT. I will have been cured from Hodgkins disease for 10 years this 
Christmas, but I still feel haunted by phantom lumps in my neck at 
least once a week. Being cured from cancer once does not necessarily 
put it all behind you - there is still lots of follow up, lots of 
risk for secondary and tertiary cancers and lots of worry about 
relapse. I have gotten a lot better about not letting the worry get 
to me, but I need to get even better at it. Someone on this list 
once said: "Worrying about something that might never happen is like 
paying interest on money that you might never borrow". I have that 
quote posted in my office. 

Fertility has been a big factor for me too, because I still hope to 
one day have a sibling for my daughter. And that is out of the 
question post-BMT. So that is another reason I choose to hang in 
there on Gleevec, hoping that one day one of these other new drugs 
will be the actual cure. Cure meaning I can safely get off of 
medication! 

But, if the Gleevec stops working or if I were to develop some other 
mutations, I would not hesitate to go into the MUD BMT, prepared and 
ready for the fight of my life. And I do feel confident that I would 
be one of the successful ones if I had to go that route. For me, the 
BMT is a very viable back up plan that I am keeping in my back 
pocket.

I hope this helps offer some insight on the tough decision you are 
facing. 

~Erin in MI
32 years old
Hodgkins dx 1994, radiation
CML dx 12/01, 
Gleevec 400 mg 1/02
CCR 5/02, PCRU 9/02 and holding



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