Lisa, thank you for sharing your story. After reading it, I took a shower, changed clothes and went outside and MADE myself work in the yard. I actually feel better now. I am tired and sore but that is expected. I think that most people in these groups know the story that is told time and time again. It is amazing to me that we are from all over the place, differnt backgrounds and situations, yet we all tell the same story in the discussions. I believe that is why we are strong! We feed off of ewach other. When one is down all the others give a little of themselves and all of those little parts help to complete the whole again and ables that person to carry on. It all makes sence really when you think about it. thanks again for sharing, Michael
--- In [email protected], "Lisa Martinez" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Hi Michael, > > I am not really sure that anyone was confused by what you meant when you > mentioned your emotional state. Because each of us have had to go through > many phases of adjustments in our life. > > The first one being the initial diagnosis. You seem to have passed that > initial stage and it really sounds like the combination of Gleevec you're > your strong WILL, will keep you healthy for a very long time. > > Identity crisis sounds very familiar. Most of us have had to make major > adjustment in one form or another due to our diagnosis. Some have had to > retire and some have continued to work, but it's definitely not only our > career's that have had to be adjusted. Almost every area of our lives > including being a parent, husband, wife, civilian, etc... etc... Has had to > be adjusted to live our new lives. > > Funny thing I have noticed over the past 5 years is that the majority of us > that participate in this group due to diagnosis have very strong > personalities and have been very much in control of our lives and wham.... > this leukemia comes along and we have to adjust to changes that we don't > want to adjust to but have to. > > Not so easy for such in control people like ourselves. > > I remember that first year after diagnosis... Being the leader of my family, > being a leader in my career- So used to being in control. > > As a matter fact my first reaction to the doctor when he gave me my > diagnosis was "Ok. What can I do to get rid of this" not fully alert but > doing what I was used to. Trying to take control. > > During my firs year of treatment I was on interferon & arc- 2 daily > injectables that had horrendous side affects. > > Not only could I not get to work but I would sit on my floor and cry in the > middle of my family room because I did not have the strength to mop my white > tiles that could be no less than spotless in my mind. > > It was very difficult to accept that I could not handle such an easy task. > > I was forced to change my identity and I didn't like it. > > After crying with frustration for a bit I went out and took a swim in my > pool and floated for a while to try to get my emotions under control. With > that I realized I felt a bit of energy and would go in and mop sections of > my floor while getting in and out of the pool for that energy boost I needed > to get the job done. I had to do this almost every day. > > My employers set up everything at home for me to work from home. I didn't > like the isolotion I felt so by about 11:am I was able to get my self fully > dressed and head to the office. My concentration was very poor - but my > stubbornness would not allow defeat so I pushed and pushed myself. > > Sometimes too much. I was becoming humble slowly but still had a hard time > with completely giving in to the idea that I had to make these adjustments. > After a year I was finally put on Gleevec and the side affects were much > more tolerable. Still I struggled with my disabilities - > > Then... in 2002 I was really humbled. I lost my 18 year old Son. > > I had no control over the situation and no matter what I did I could not > bring him back. It was during that time of grief that I learned to just do > the best that I can no matter how much that was I could only do what I > could. > > During the last few years I have finally come to grips with the fact that I > am not superwoman and I am going through all of this for a reason. > > Most importantly what I have learned is that life is short and I must accept > that it is in my control to try my best to make lemon aid out of my lemons. > I have learned to search further inside my self for my spirituality and my > true self. > > I tell you all this to let you know that even if your circumstances are not > exactly the same, I understand what your felling regarding the identity > crisis. > > You may want to start thinking of a passion or hobby you have and find a > ways to eventually incorporate it in to a part time career or a full time > career. But one that will never let you lose sight of what's most important > in your life...the love you have and share with your family. > > I have to tell you that it continues to be an everyday struggle for me not > giving into that power I once felt I needed to stay in control. > > With that being said, know that your journey will continue to bring you to > and through more challenges and changes. But you will be ok. > > I hope my story has helped in some way... and remember. > > > > Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of > moments that take our breath away... > > > > Lisa M > > Tampa Fl > > Dx 5-2000 > > Hydrea /interferon/ arc > > Gleevec 400 mgs 6-2001 - > > 8-2001 PCRU > > > > > > > > > > > > Message: 6 > > Date: Sat, 21 May 2005 15:31:22 -0000 > > From: "mherr252742003" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > Subject: Michael's problem > > > > Hello to All, > > I'm sorry I gave the wrong impression with my post yesterday. I am not > > down and blue over the DX or the progres of my leukemia. I am living a > > wonderful life and I am accomplishing many great and wonderful things. > > The problem is simple and quit sorry in the big scheme of things > > actually. Last week I watched my soldiers leave for Iraq. I loved > > being a soldier and have done it for 15 years before they retired me. > > It's just hard adjusting is all. My wife tells me that not only am I > > having a mid life crisis, I am also having an identity crisis. i just > > need to learn to be a Dad, farmer, husband, student and civilian > > instead of a soldier. > > Thanks for the concern. > > Smile, > > Michael ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Has someone you know been affected by illness or disease? Network for Good is THE place to support health awareness efforts! http://us.click.yahoo.com/AybhMB/UOnJAA/xGEGAA/8zSolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> New! 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