--- In [email protected], "Lisa Martinez" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Dear Lisa, very well said, I hope you don't mind butI passed this letter on to my sisters, so they can understand what I have been feeling but it seems hard to put to words. Thanks again. Sandy dx 9/2003
Hi Michael, > > I am not really sure that anyone was confused by what you meant when you > mentioned your emotional state. Because each of us have had to go through > many phases of adjustments in our life. > > The first one being the initial diagnosis. You seem to have passed that > initial stage and it really sounds like the combination of Gleevec you're > your strong WILL, will keep you healthy for a very long time. > > Identity crisis sounds very familiar. Most of us have had to make major > adjustment in one form or another due to our diagnosis. Some have had to > retire and some have continued to work, but it's definitely not only our > career's that have had to be adjusted. Almost every area of our lives > including being a parent, husband, wife, civilian, etc... etc... Has had to > be adjusted to live our new lives. > > Funny thing I have noticed over the past 5 years is that the majority of us > that participate in this group due to diagnosis have very strong > personalities and have been very much in control of our lives and wham.... > this leukemia comes along and we have to adjust to changes that we don't > want to adjust to but have to. > > Not so easy for such in control people like ourselves. > > I remember that first year after diagnosis... Being the leader of my family, > being a leader in my career- So used to being in control. > > As a matter fact my first reaction to the doctor when he gave me my > diagnosis was "Ok. What can I do to get rid of this" not fully alert but > doing what I was used to. Trying to take control. > > During my firs year of treatment I was on interferon & arc- 2 daily > injectables that had horrendous side affects. > > Not only could I not get to work but I would sit on my floor and cry in the > middle of my family room because I did not have the strength to mop my white > tiles that could be no less than spotless in my mind. > > It was very difficult to accept that I could not handle such an easy task. > > I was forced to change my identity and I didn't like it. > > After crying with frustration for a bit I went out and took a swim in my > pool and floated for a while to try to get my emotions under control. With > that I realized I felt a bit of energy and would go in and mop sections of > my floor while getting in and out of the pool for that energy boost I needed > to get the job done. I had to do this almost every day. > > My employers set up everything at home for me to work from home. I didn't > like the isolotion I felt so by about 11:am I was able to get my self fully > dressed and head to the office. My concentration was very poor - but my > stubbornness would not allow defeat so I pushed and pushed myself. > > Sometimes too much. I was becoming humble slowly but still had a hard time > with completely giving in to the idea that I had to make these adjustments. > After a year I was finally put on Gleevec and the side affects were much > more tolerable. Still I struggled with my disabilities - > > Then... in 2002 I was really humbled. I lost my 18 year old Son. > > I had no control over the situation and no matter what I did I could not > bring him back. It was during that time of grief that I learned to just do > the best that I can no matter how much that was I could only do what I > could. > > During the last few years I have finally come to grips with the fact that I > am not superwoman and I am going through all of this for a reason. > > Most importantly what I have learned is that life is short and I must accept > that it is in my control to try my best to make lemon aid out of my lemons. > I have learned to search further inside my self for my spirituality and my > true self. > > I tell you all this to let you know that even if your circumstances are not > exactly the same, I understand what your felling regarding the identity > crisis. > > You may want to start thinking of a passion or hobby you have and find a > ways to eventually incorporate it in to a part time career or a full time > career. But one that will never let you lose sight of what's most important > in your life...the love you have and share with your family. > > I have to tell you that it continues to be an everyday struggle for me not > giving into that power I once felt I needed to stay in control. > > With that being said, know that your journey will continue to bring you to > and through more challenges and changes. But you will be ok. > > I hope my story has helped in some way... and remember. > > > > Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of > moments that take our breath away... > > > > Lisa M > > Tampa Fl > > Dx 5-2000 > > Hydrea /interferon/ arc > > Gleevec 400 mgs 6-2001 - > > 8-2001 PCRU > > > > > > > > > > > > Message: 6 > > Date: Sat, 21 May 2005 15:31:22 -0000 > > From: "mherr252742003" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > Subject: Michael's problem > > > > Hello to All, > > I'm sorry I gave the wrong impression with my post yesterday. I am not > > down and blue over the DX or the progres of my leukemia. I am living a > > wonderful life and I am accomplishing many great and wonderful things. > > The problem is simple and quit sorry in the big scheme of things > > actually. Last week I watched my soldiers leave for Iraq. I loved > > being a soldier and have done it for 15 years before they retired me. > > It's just hard adjusting is all. My wife tells me that not only am I > > having a mid life crisis, I am also having an identity crisis. i just > > need to learn to be a Dad, farmer, husband, student and civilian > > instead of a soldier. > > Thanks for the concern. > > Smile, > > Michael ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Has someone you know been affected by illness or disease? Network for Good is THE place to support health awareness efforts! http://us.click.yahoo.com/AybhMB/UOnJAA/xGEGAA/8zSolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> New! 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