Thanks for your response, Terry. It's uncanny, the similarities between our side effects, as well as the feelings of guilt and self-criticism about being out of work. Like you, I had an office job (I'm a lawyer -- same law firm for 15 years), where my most important assets were (1) my ability to read and write, retain and analyze complex information, and make persuasive arguments, and (2) my endurance to put in long hours, including late evenings and occasional weekends. With the fatigue and cognitive side effects, it's exactly those strengths that I don't have anymore.
For me, any physical pain I have is secondary and fairly sporadic. I'm sorry to hear that you're also experiencing serious physical pain. My other physical side effects are things I could work through if they were the only side effects I had. It's strange how, for so many CMLers, the side effects come early and gradually dissipate. For me, it was the opposite. I worked, pretty problem-free, for the first 6 or 7 months after diagnosis. In fact, I felt so good that I was in total denial about having an illness. I barely learned a thing about CML (purposely), and I studiously avoided these bulletin boards, thinking that they were for people who just liked wallowing in their sickness. (Needless to say, I no longer feel that way about the bulletin boards. I'm still only an occasional participant, but I enjoy reading what others have to say and I've encountered some pretty incredible people on them.) Anyway, after about 6 or 7 months, the fatigue started to kick in, and I started noticing memory loss and a growing inability to focus and concentrate like I used to. I kept telling my wife, half-jokingly, that I felt like I was getting stupid. By April '06, it wasn't very funny anymore -- I was constantly scared that I was going to commit malpractice (I've read your story about catching a potentially costly error at work, and it really resonated with me because of my fears that I would end up doing something like that; of course, then I'd have gotten fired and been without disability insurance -- I shudder to think of the possibilities). My doctor sent me to a neurologist, who did a battery of tests to determine if I had any neurological problems. When those came up negative, there was nothing left to attribute it to but the Gleevec. Since then, I've searched the boards a lot and found numerous discussions by folks who have experienced memory loss and other cognitive deficits from Gleevec. (I've even found one person who is suffering from similar side effects on Sprycel.) It must be tough moving to a new state after having developed a pretty good relationship with your doctors. I hope the new doc works out well and you don't find yourself permanently having to travel 4 hours just to see your onc. I live on Long Island, in NY, and my doctor, whom I like a lot, is just about a half-hour away. I plan on staying put. I hope your Oct. 20 appointment goes really well. Be well. You hang in there, too. David --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ [CMLHope] A support group of http://cmlhope.com ------------------------------------------------- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "CMLHope" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/CMLHope -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
