Hi Guys, Thank you for all the kind words and especially the prayers...I will take that. I learned a long time ago that the worst thing anyone has ever been through is the worst thing they have been through compared to no one else. I know we all have a burden to bear and mine is not any worse that anyone elses! I am working today on staying in the present, because truthfully today is really not any different than before I got the news...it is just making it harder to find my peace and stay centered in that!
I do have both Medicare and Medicaid, so cost of my care is not the problem, it is the down time away from my business. I am already on disability. It doesn't pay me much, but I still have a business contract, that is now very tiny, but that keeps us from being homeless. I have not been able in 18 years to take down time from it though, not even a vacation. If I do now I will lose the contract. That is the financial worry I have. Tried to get a refi on our home, but a modification we did a few years ago prevents that. The payment is far lower than what rent is in Southern Calif where I live, but if I could have gotten it a bit lower we would have been okay. Rob, thanks for the great referral, unfortunately it does not apply to us. My husband's aquired brain damage is not from an injury. It was a chemical exposure that took about 30 years to do it's damage, but when it did it took his pancreas and part of his brain. Not enough to be completely dysfunctional, but just enough to be dangerous. He is emotionally about 5 years old and does crazy things that only make sense to him at the time, like the time he put a screwdriver across the high voltage side of our electrical panel, and twice now I have walked in to find the house full of gas! It would be funny if it wasn't so scarey! He can't manage his insulin pump by himself and requires breathing equipment at night. It's a circus some days, but managable. But it all kind of rests on me. Having said all of that...it's not all bad. I had a dear friend, Walter, who when he found out he had metastisize prostate cancer, decided not to tell anyone. I only found out by accident...his wife never did until the end. In that decision, Walter told me that he loved his life and didn't want cancer robbing him of one minute more of it than absolutely required. He believed, and rightly so, that if his wife, children, their spouses, his staff, all knew, it would change his life and how they interacted with him. While my life is not as wonderful as Walter's and everyone already knows I have cancer...this news I got on Friday was keeping me from looking at, and for, the good things in my life! It was like a huge canopy of fear that overshadowed everything. It keeps me from walking by my faith instead of by my sight. And as we know, the storm we see does not come from our faith, whatever that is to each of us! So, this is what I am working on today, and you are all my hope and inspiration! Thank you!! peg On Wednesday, March 19, 2014 10:03:09 AM UTC-7, peg wrote: > > Hey Guys, > After 25 years with an unpredictible disease like MS, I thought I could > roll with the punches, but this week really knocked me flat. It would > appear, after further consideration, that the lesions seen in both my lungs > since August could actually be lung cancer. What the heck??!! This would > be the fourth primary, unrelated cancer in three years time! CML and > Melanoma in 2010, Gastric Tumor in 2013 (but first seen in retrospect in > early 2011)....and now this! We haven't even figured out how to get to the > Gastric Tumor yet. I thought we finally reached a good plan for that last > month, but this would definitely be a game changer. Looks like the only > way they can get a solid answer is going to be with some major > surgery....which is the reason that we hadn't been able to get the Gastric > Tumor out. Serious health and recovery issues aside for a moment, the down > time for major is surgery is an obsticle that could leave my husband and I > homeless with no where to turn to. And on top of that, during my > hospitalization/recovery there is no one to help my husband, who has brain > damage, care for himself...he just can't be in the house alone. Of > course....if we no longer have a house....sorry just a bit of dark humor! > Lots of questions still, but no answers yet! Think I need a hug! peg > -- -- [CMLHope] A support group of http://cmlhope.com ------------------------------------------------- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "CMLHope" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [email protected] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/CMLHope --- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "CMLHope" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.
