Desde San Antonio, Texas, Gringolandia
PANG
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You know you've lived in Mexico City when...
A wedding is at 8:00 pm, you get there at 10:00 and nobody has arrived yet.
You believe lime juice cures almost everything.
You believe a shot of tequila cures everything else.
When travelling, you bring along small cans of chiles.
"Tomorrow" means "not right now", "never", or "screw you"
You blame the pollution on "El Popo".
You blame the rain on "Un Norte en Veracruz"
You blame the traffic on the rich.
You blame the crime on the poor.
You blame the PRI for almost everything else.
You blame los "pinches gringos" for whatever's left.
You have more faith in the mugger than the cop.
You have more faith in the cop than the priest.
You have more faith in the priest than the mayor.
You have more faith in the mayor than the president.
You have more faith in the president than your spouse.
You enjoy drinking beer with lime, salt, ice, tabasco sauce
and still ask for an imported brand.
You know Mexican beer is among the world's best,but with friends, you'll
still order a Bud Light.
"Licenciado" is a proper name.
On a restaurant table there are more cell phones and beepers than
dinnerware.
If you order the tacos and your friend orders the enchiladas, you're
positive the waiter will get it backwards.
You go "pssssst" to catch a waiter's attention... in New York City.
You use the word "este" as a conversation filter... in English
You say "good" when answering a telephone... in English.
You say "Mandeme" when someone calls you... in English
You keep on addressing good friends as barnyard animals.("Buey & Cabron"
are the animals most often employed)
You refer to a salesman as "maestro"... at Saks Fifth Avenue
You eat tacos, enchiladas, morcilla, moronga, and medula, but believe
hamburgers are unhealty.
When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
a. he's drunk;
b. he wants to sell you something.
c. he's an American.
d. he's a mugger
e. he's gay
f. he's all the above.
When someone tells you "I'll call you", you assume that he won't.
When someone says, "Let's have lunch next week", you assume he's lived
in Los Angeles.
Calling in sick on Monday is proper behavior.
You keep a 20 dollar bill taped to the back of your driver's license.
If you want 50 people to show up for your party, you invite 150.
If you expect 50 people to show up for your party, you have enough food
for the 200 who might show up.
You call an 80 year old waiter "joven". You call a twenty year old
waiter "viejo". You call everyone else, "hermano", "mano", or "manito".
But you call your real brother, "pendejo".
You never refer to a friend's mother as simply "su madre", but always
qualify by saying, "su se�ora madre", or " su querida madre",
to avoid a misunderstanding which could get you a "madrazo".
You assume women fall into three categories: virgens, whores and your wife.
You assume your daughters are virgins because they get home before you
do at night.
You profess, "como Mexico No hay dos", but secretly wish Mexico City
was more like San Antonio.
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