To Heaven
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to
change the admission policy.
The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven you had to have a
really bad day on the day that you died.
The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at
12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked
the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was
going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. I came home to my 25th floor
apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair.
But her lover was nowhere in sight; immediately I began searching for him.
My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony
and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and
stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.
But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke
his fall and he didn't die.
This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the
first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him.
Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator.
I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side.
It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of
the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost
instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did
have a bad day. It was a crime of passion.
So, the Angel announces, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of
Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up.
To the Angel's surprise it was Vernon Jordan. "Mr. Jordan, before
I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you
died."
Jordan said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this.
I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.
I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to
relieve my stress.
I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally
fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips
on the balcony below mine.
But all of a sudden this crazy man comes out of his apartment,
starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell.
I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall,
so I didn't die right away.
"As I'm laying there, face up on the ground, unable to move and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator-of all
things-off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me,
killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his
story. "I could get used to this new policy", he thinks to himself.
"Very well sir," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of
Heaven," and he lets Vernon enter.
A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate.
The Angel is almost too shocked to speak.
Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head.
Finally he says "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the
day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator."
