Thank you sooooo mcuch.
I had tried to reply earlier, but something is wrong with my IE
browser.
I changed to Firefox and it works!
On 1月28日, 下午8时09分, "Petr Hrubis" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> Hello,
>
> I'm not a native speaker of English, but I'd like to add a few
> comments, if I may. Please, see below:
>
> 2007/1/28, Clandy <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>:
>
>
>
> > Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why
> > do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important
> > than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
>
> > You probably don't know English, but you are very likely to have heard
>
> Logic: Is it logical to question the reader's knowledge of English?
> Why, the essay is written in English and the reader must know English
> to some extend.
>
> > the song "Sound of Music".
>
> Logic: I wouldn't hesitate to add some more information concerning the
> song. Believe me, there are many people - especially among those who
> don't speak English - who haven't even heard of that song. Moreover,
> there may well be a few other songs of the same name. "Does the author
> mean the musical?" one might ask.
>
> > As you can see, music is a kind of
> > communicator tool
>
> Logic: That is necessarily conditioned by the (lack of) knowledge of
> the song. In addition, your views may differ from those of the reader.
> Consider using another modal verb for example.
>
> Style: Note that you have used two similar collocations ("communicator
> tool" above and "communication tool" below). Consider using another
> expression (such as "means") instead.
>
> Grammar: I'm not sure whether "communicator tool" has ever been used.
> I think it should be "communication tool."
>
> > People also resort to music to express their emotions, feelings, and
> > even ideas. Musis plays a very important role in our everyday life.
>
> Spelling: "Music", not "Musis" :-) Just a typo, I suppose.
>
> > As an excellent communication tool, music can convey information much
>
> Style: See above.
>
> > better than what people say. When a young man falls in love with a
> > young lady, a piece of music played by guitar sometimes touch the
>
> Grammar: One can "play the guitar", a song can be "played by a
> musician", but a piece of music can be "played ON the guitar".
>
> > girl's heart much easilier than thousands of sweet words.
>
> Grammar: "more easily", not "easilier."
>
> > In World War
> > II, a very famous song encouraged Chinese to keep fighting with
> > invaders against so much difficulty.
>
> Logic: At least the name of the song would be nice to know. :-)
>
> Grammar: You fight WITH those ON WHOSE SIDE you are. You fight
> (AGAINST) invaders or difficulties. In addition, THE Chinese, THE
> invaders if you assume the reader knows they were the Japanese, not
> just any invaders. Consider revising the whole sentence.
>
> > And the song later became
> > national song of China.
>
> Grammar: Either "THE" national song (if they have only one), or "A"
> national song (if there are more than one national songs in China).
>
> > Music is also an international "language". A Chinese and an Australian
> > may not be able to understand each other by speaking.
>
> Grammar: When you understand something BY speaking, I think you have
> certain understanding of the word "speaking," rather than of what is
> being spoken itself. I would probably use "when speaking" or "through
> (the) speech" here.
>
> > But they both
> > can understand the music of "Sound of Music". If somebody want to have
>
> Grammar (word order): "they can both understand"
>
> Is the name of the song "Sound of Music" or "The Sound of Music?"
>
> The third person singular in the present simple tense and with verbs
> that are not modal is marked by the "-(e)s" ending, hence "somebody
> wants."
>
> Logic: You are claiming something that has little to do with facts.
> Whenever you present your own opinions, don't forget to mention that.
> Your assertion that "they can both understand the music of..." is
> exactly this - your opinion. Nevertheless, stylistic traditions may
> differ from coutnry to country, of course, and this may well depend on
> your teacher's instructions.
>
> > some basic concept of a country, one of the best ways is listening to
> > the traditional music of that country.
>
> > The traditional music of a country refers to the type of music that
> > has existed at that country for a long history, and often had been the
> > mainstream music. But nowadays, we can hear a lot of music in almost
> > any country, which is called the international music. In my opinion,
> > the traditional music is more important thant the international music.
>
> Spelling (just a typo, perhaps): "than"
> Logic: Again, you are claiming here that the "the traditional music is
> more important than the international music," but you are not saying
> why is that.
>
> Oh, I'm sorry, I have to go now. I'll correct the rest as soon as I'm
> back from the town, ok? :-) I hope I've been of some help, at least.
>
> Best,
>
> Petr
>
> > And we should take more activities to preserve it. Because all
> > international music originated from traditional music. Jazz's origin
> > is traditional African music, and the famous music style Flamenco is
> > mixed by traditional Indian music and old-time Spanish music.
>
> > In conculsion, music is an important part of human life, and among
> > different music types, we should take more activities to preserve
> > traditional music.
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