Hi. I'm a middle-aged native speaker of American English who has some knowledge of British English. Here you go:
On Jan 28, 2:02 am, "Clandy" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why > do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important > than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? > > You probably don't know English, An odd thing to write in English. > but you are very likely to have heard > the song "Sound of Music". As you can see, music is a kind of > communicator tool "communications tool" > that bridges the gap Mixed metaphor: a tool can't bridge anything. > between different cultures. > People also resort to music to express their emotions, feelings, and > even ideas. Musis plays a very Every time you find that you've written the word "very," delete it. > important role in our everyday life. > > As an excellent communication tool, music can convey information much > better than what people say. "...better than speech." The single noun "speech" is parallel with "music." > When a young man falls in love with a > young lady, a piece of music played by guitar sometimes touch "will touch" > the > girl's heart much easilier "much more easily" "Easilier" is not a word, but you have spelled it right. :-) > than thousands of sweet words. In World War > II, a very famous song encouraged Chinese "the Chinese" > to keep fighting with > invaders "fighting the invaders" > against so much difficulty. The problem with this is hard to describe. "Against" is wrong, anyhow: you can't fight someone against anything the way you have it. I think you must mean something like "to keep fighting the invaders despite hardship and peril." Be specific. > And the song later became > national song of China. > > Music is also an international "language". A Chinese and an Australian > may not be able to understand each other by speaking. "...each other's speech, but they..." "Understand...by" is unidiomatic in this context. > But they both > can understand the music of "Sound of Music". If somebody want to have > some basic concept of a country, "If one wants to form some basic conception..." This is a problem for native speakers, too. "One" sounds stilted in most contexts, at least in America, but "you" often sounds too informal (and is liable to be taken literally). But "somebody" is wrong. "A person" is sometimes used, but I can't say I like it much, either--it sounds to me like an obvious write-around. I've suggested "one" because it's plain, good English and is appropriate in an essay. I would probably have avoided the issue, myself, and written something like "One of the best ways to form some basic...". > one of the best ways is listening "...ways is to listen..." The participle works, but the infinitive is better. > to > the traditional music of that country. > > The traditional music of a country refers to the type of music "...country is the type..." "Refers" wants a term--you would have to put "traditional music" in quotation marks to use "refers." > that > has existed at "in" > that country for a long history, "...that country over the course of its history..." "For a long history" is unidiomatic. > and often had been the > mainstream music. But nowadays, no comma > we can hear "we hear" I know what you're thinking, but that's the way we say it. > a lot of music in almost > any country, which is called the international music. "...any country called 'international music'..." (Put double quotes around it.) > In my opinion, > the traditional music is more important thant typo > the international music. > And we should take more activities to preserve it. "...should do more to preserve..." "Take more activities" is unidiomatic. > Because all > international music originated from traditional music. "...preserve it, because..." There is often nothing wrong with starting a sentence with a conjunction, but "because" and its cousin "since" should not be used this way. You can start with "because" in inversion, as in "Because she was a girl, she couldn't go into the boys' locker room," but not at the head of a lone clause. > Jazz's origin > is traditional African music, and the famous music style Flamenco is > mixed by "...is a mixture of..." > traditional Indian music and old-time Spanish music. > > In conculsion, typo > music is an important part of human life, and among > different music types, we should take more activities "...should take pains..." A matter of style. It's best not to repeat "do more" here: in a conclusion it's better to emphasize your point. > to preserve > traditional music. So, I agree with you about the music. And your essay was perfectly understandable the way you wrote it, if not perfectly idiomatic and grammatically sound. Your comprehension of the article in English is amazingly good, by the way. I'd have given you a B+. I hope you've turned it in already and just want feedback, because I were your teacher I'd be checking places like this one for just this sort of thing. --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Correct my English" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/correct-my-english -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
