I have a hefty bofh file - manually adding a lot of badfrom and badmx entries that kill a good 50-75% of my incoming spam. The problem is that when mail comes through his server, the bounced messages go back to HIM instead of to the spammer or a black hole.
Is there any way to get my mail server to recognize that his is a
secondary, and not bounce messages back to him when they are rejected?
Nope.
He's not willing to set up a similar bofh file - says it's "not the right way" to fight spam (and I agree that it may not be, but anything that helps keep the stuff out of my inbox is good enough for me).
I hope you realize that by using a secondary MX you have gained absolutely and totally nothing. The only difference that made is that instead of mail queueing up on the senders' mail relays, the mail gets queued up on the secondary MX. And exactly what did that gain you?
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