-Caveat Lector- "CATCH 22" IS TENTATIVE REPLY FROM FINLAND ========================================== (CNNS, 12/29/98) -- In early November of 1998 this news service sent an urgent "S.O.S." to Finland, requesting political asylum for the editor in that northern land. Many good Finlanders have responded to the request, offering assistance. This news service has received information that no less august personages than Bill and Hillary Clinton, president and first lady of the United States, had noticed our previous "S.O.S. Finland" with some interest. Many readers of CONSPIRACY NATION NEWS SERVICE (CNNS) had quietly contacted us. Citizens of the USA, they were most interested in the progress of the appeal; they also thought along the same lines: that the opportunity to flee the United States would soon disappear. The tentative, apparently unofficial response from Finland has been enigmatic, much like the Finns themselves. Communiques received from Finland thus far are reminiscent of the tautology expressed in Joseph Heller's novel, "Catch 22". In that novel, Captain Yossarian wanted to get a psychiatric deferment so he could avoid further dangerous World War II bombing missions. But the "catch" was that since Yossarian wanted to get out of it, then *ipso facto* he must not really be "crazy." If, on the other hand, Yossarian =did= want to continue endangering his life with more missions, then that would mean he =was= "crazy." Yet Yossarian would never request deferment if he wished to continue his hazardous duty, hence his deferment could not be processed. That was the CATCH: "Catch 22." The tentative, apparently unofficial response from Finland has invoked a similar tautology: (1) since the editor has not been rounded up and sent to a concentration camp, then there is no need to extend political asylum; (2) if the editor is rounded up and put in a concentration camp, then he qualifies for political asylum in Finland (but since he's in a concentration camp, he has no way to emigrate to Finland.) The editor of CNNS is seeking to convince the Finns that if they were to grant political asylum to him, such a good act would have positive benefits to the nation of Finland. The implicit connection in such an event would be: What nation is BETTER than the USA? Finland. The CNNS editor escaped to there. This would be good worldwide public relations for Finland. The Finns need not fear that, were they to grant political asylum to the CNNS editor, they would be besieged by requests from others for similar political asylum. Finland could merely claim that the CNNS editor, a pioneering crusader with a worldwide audience, was a special instance. To restate the case: This editor has made vigorous attempts to inform the American people about the incessant operations of the U.S. MILTARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX. Over $500 million worth of missiles was recently rained on Iraq. That attack accomplished nothing and even worsened the situation -- except for one all-important accomplishment: depletion of weapons inventories. In fact, the whole purpose of the IRAQIANA DRAMA was none other than to deplete said weapons inventories so as to churn out more orders for more weapons, thereby profiting the weapons manufacturers. Yet despite my efforts, the American people sleep and care nothing except for "Furby" toys. This editor believes that a dramatic ESCAPE TO FINLAND will serve a HUMANITARIAN interest. Continued reports by this news service, based in Finland, could add sufficient leverage that the people of America would finally "get it" and ask, "WHY NO QUESTION ON IF WE CAN AFFORD A $500 MILLION MISSILE EXTRAVAGANZA?" It's worth a try, Finland. The effect of a political emigrant, divorcing himself from the USA "land of milk and honey," would inherently call into question a mythology that "no one escapes from America" and thus undermine a political hegemony that threatens even FINLAND HERSELF. There is no need to fear that the CNNS editor, as a political emigrant, would bother to criticize Finland herself. His true love -- first, last, and always -- is the United States. How can it be that the CNNS editor loves America yet criticizes her and wishes to escape from her? Read Nelson Algren's book, "Chicago: City on the Make." The CNNS editor is not in the same league as Nelson Algren. But read what Algren says. Algren loved Chicago. He wrote that it was because he loved Chicago that he criticized her. And Algren finally left Chicago for good -- but his heart never left the city he loved. The CNNS editor will be a "good citizen" of Finland, but he can never love her like he loves his former homeland. And so, Finland will not be criticized. Please respond, Finland. Time grows short. + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + INFORMATION PLEASE: Conspiracy Nation News Service (CNNS) is a co-operative effort. Without the hints/rumors provided by many excellent sources, we could not exist. Have YOU heard anything lately that might be important? Pass it along to us at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Anonymity is guaranteed. If you prefer, send your news tip or clues on same to: Brian Redman, 310 S. Prairie (#202), Champaign, IL 61820. Or you can go to a pay phone and call in your news tip: 217-356-4418. THEY will never tell us the whole truth about what is going on. 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