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Notes on Conspiracy Theories
 By Jim Keith

        I recently wrote a scathing review of the latest book by David Icke,
The Biggest Secret.  What I am mostly critical of in the Icke's work is
sloppy thinking; but on reflection it occurred to me that that is what gets
my goat about a large portion of the field of UFO/conspiracy writing.  The
main problem with most conspiracy theorization these days is that many if not
most writers as well as readers seem not to have developed anything like an
ability to reason, to think well, to discriminate between probable truth and
probable falsehood.
        Certainly there is a sliding scale in this matter, with raving lunacy
at one end and Aristotle at the other.  I don't claim to be THE role model of
rationality to which all should kowtow, by any means.  For one thing, I have
never read a book on the subject of logic, nor have I taken any academic
courses in same.  I'm not sure, frankly, that those activities would have
improved my thinking, being somewhat of an anti-academic, myself.  My belief
is that, by and large, the academic system turns out stunted sheep, not the
kind of hepcats whose writing I personally dig.
        There are, without a doubt, certain examples of sloppy thinking that
could be pointed out in my own work.  Perhaps this shortcoming would have
been prevented if I had gone beyond sixth grade in my academic career.  I
might also not be quite so prone to such criticism if I didn't have to hit
deadlines, since I am one of those odd  moon-colored creatures who make their
living by bashing out books.  But I do believe that in some instances I am
able to recognize sloppy thinking in my fellow practitioners of, and writers
about, UFOs and conspiracy.
      Icke is one example of the run-of-the-mill in this type of writing
today.  He is part of a muddle-headed pack that includes many, if not most
writers in conspiracy and UFOs, with some of the most well-known suspects
being Bill Cooper, George Andrews, Al Bielek, Art Bell, John Lear, Brad
Steiger, just about every New Age writer who ever came down the pike, and
plenty of others whom I disremember at the moment.  For some reason, the UFO
field, moreso than the political conspiracy field, seems to specialize in
this sort of fugghead.
      What primarily characterizes a crappy thinker in these fields is that
they are stunted in their ability to separate fact from fiction, truth from
lies.  This can be entertaining, especially to a reviewer with a latent
streak of sadism, but it is usually not very enlightening.  They can be like
Icke, a person who does not even really try to sort out the differentiation
between fact and fantasy: to them it is all the same, and if somebody,
somewhere said it, then it has to be true.  Oh, yeah, Icke gives endless
sticky  lip service to how careful he is about corroborating his facts, but
the bottom line is that his writing and thinking are completely
scatterbrained.  With a guy like Icke, the ravings of obvious paranoid
lunatics and droolers are as much grist for his cogitation as a sober,
reasoned examinations, like the kind my friends do.  Because they heard it
somewhere, that is all it takes for it to be factored in to their mental
database.
        Believing that something is true solely because someone said it and
didn't blink is one of the major pitfalls of conspiracy thinking.  The fact
is, many people are stone lunatics who carry on extended dialogues with their
toaster ovens, and are far from being reliable witnesses to fact.  People are
also prone to tell really reeking fish stories (particularly if there is a
book royalty in it), and sometimes to lying to themselves.  I have a friend
who is like that.  He has invented a rather extensive alternative universe in
which he is rather wiser, more experienced, is really quite dapper, and has
played a much more heroic role in events than he did in real life.  He
seemingly believes that this altered reality is what actually took place, and
will argue so until you remind him of what actually happened.  Then he grins
sheepishly and talks about his unpleasant childhood and how his dad used to
whup him with a belt.  He still functions in genteel society in somewhat
normal fashion; in fact he is the author of a recent popular book.  But if
one examines the facts he portrays of his life, it quickly becomes apparent
that he has altered them extensively: even, apparently, in his own
recollections.  Perhaps everyone does this to some extent as a citadel
against vicious fate, particularly if they are L. Ron Hubbard.  The point is
that just because someone says they were abducted by aliens does not
necessarily mean that they were, and just because someone said they
officiated at a zombie satanic ritual in the White House, that does not mean
that it actually took place.
        Corroboration by other witnesses is not always a perfect fail-safe,
either.  Sometimes their friends are whacked, in fact they usually are.
        There is also such a thing as contamination of stories and memories;
that is, the alteration of stories due to interpretations that have been
obtained from others.  For instance, if the UFO abduction tale of a witness
who happens to be a big fan of Star Trek oddly has many details identical to
those in Star Trek, it would be best to question if some contamination of
thinking hasn't taken place.   If a person is a Mormon, and the ufonauts
lectured him on Jesus hitchhiking the Americas before Columbus arrived, one
has to wonder.  Conspiracy and UFO stories circulate as urban legends,
snowballing into scenarios that are eventually believed by almost the
entirety of the field; it is sometimes not factored in that those stories can
be influenced by lying, misperception and delusion.
        It seems to me that the basic abilities required for clear thinking
in UFO/conspiracy research are to grade information for plausibility, as well
as the requisite wits to skillfully associate information, to be able to
relate it to other information.  You need to be able to do both to some
extent.  If you cannot separate out credible reports from obvious humbug and
self-aggrandizing claptrap, then your own thinking will be a mishmash and the
aliens under your bedstead will eventually end up pulling you through a hole
into their subterranean domain, but at least we'll be done with you.
      I admit that there is a place for a touch of madness in good conspiracy
writing.   This is the realm of the inspired madman; guys like James Shelby
Downard, Richard Shaver, Kerry Thornley; some of my personal favorites.  To
put out really primo conspiracy work, one has to be willing to go beyond the
boundaries of what is normally considered sanity, and to entertain notions
that the herd mentality would never consider.  For my part, I rule out almost
nothing as a possibility in this universe.  This sometimes gets me in trouble
with the UFO true believers' evil nemesis, the scientific skeptic who will
admit to nothing other than the Big Bang and the ultimate efficacy of
ballpoint pocket caddies.
      Sometimes gung-ho UFO types, or mind control buffs, or JFK
assassination freaks will accuse me of having a closed mind, since I won't
cop to notions that they are certain are true, such as Bill Cooper's
contention that the driver of the limo was the guy who shot JFK.  That just
isn't the case.  I reject that scenario not because it is heretical, but
because it is not supported by the facts.
        I am willing to imagine that virtually anything is true, I just try
to be careful about what theories I am willing to put in my mind: these days,
you just don't know where they've been.

 Jim Keith's new book, Mass Control: Engineering Human Consciousness, is
available from www.illuminetpress.com

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