-Caveat Lector-
The Y1K Crisis
By Ashleigh Brilliant (www.ashleighbrilliant.com)
Canterbury, England. A.D. 999:
An atmosphere close to panic prevails today throughout Europe as the
millennial year 1000 approaches, bringing with it the so-called "Y1K
Bug," a menace which, until recently, hardly anyone had ever heard of.
Prophets of doom are warning that the entire fabric of Western
Civilization, based as it now is upon monastic computations, could
collapse, and that there is simply not enough time left to fix the
problem.
Just how did this disaster-in-the-making ever arise? Why did no one
anticipate that a change from a three-digit to a four-digit year would
throw into total disarray all liturgical chants and all metrical verse
in which any date is mentioned? Every formulaic hymn, prayer, ceremony
and incantation dealing with dated events will have to be re-written to
accommodate three extra syllables.
All tabular chronologies with three-space year columns, maintained for
generations by scribes using carefully hand-ruled lines on vellum
sheets, will now have to be converted to four-space columns, at
enormous cost. In the meantime, the validity of every official event,
from baptisms to burials, from confirmations to coronations, may be
called into question.
"We should have seen it coming," says Brother Cedric of St. Michael
Abbey, here in Canterbury. "What worries me most is that THOUSAND
contains the word THOU, which occurs in nearly all our prayers, and of
course always refers to God. Using it now in the name of the year will
seem almost blasphemous, and is bound to cause terrible confusion. Of
course, we could always use Latin, but that might be even worse -- The
Latin word for Thousand is Mille, which is the same as the Latin for
mile. We won't know whether we're talking about time or distance!"
Stonemasons are already reported threatening to demand a
proportional
pay increase for having to carve an extra numeral in all dates on
tombstones, cornerstones and monuments. Together with its inevitable
ripple effects, this alone could plunge the hitherto-stable medieval
economy into chaos.
A conference of clerics has been called at Winchester to discuss the
entire issue, but doomsayers are convinced that the matter is now one
of
personal survival. Many families, in expectation of the worst, are
stocking up on holy water and indulgences.
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