-Caveat Lector-
Take heed everyone.
I told you a few weeks ago to put a down payment on excuses for when y2k
does NOT mean (insert paranoid conspiracy theory) here. Below see some of my
satisfied customers who have found all sorts of rationales for why their own
conspiracy theories are NOT coming true! (Pushing the date back is a best
seller.)
As Jan. 1 Draws Near, Doomsayers Reconsider
The Apocalypse Is Still Coming--Later
By Hanna Rosin
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, December 27, 1999; Page A01
A year ago, Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins, who have sold more than 10 million
copies of their "Left Behind" thrillers about the Apocalypse, prophesied
global upheaval on Jan. 1, 2000.
The Y2K bug could trigger "financial meltdown," they warned readers on their
Web site, "making it possible for the Antichrist or his emissaries . . . to
dominate the world commercially until it is destroyed."
But now that the hour is upon us, the prophets of doom are retreating.
"We don't think it relates to Y2K at all," Jenkins said. "And we're bemused
by people who do."
Reminded of the Web site prediction, he said, "We regret having talked about
it." Over the last year, Jenkins said, he has been reassuring nervous fans
they have nothing to fear.
Even those who fully embraced the date as late as last month are now backing
down. Some prophets are hedging their bets, reminding everyone they only
said "maybe," or they never specified the Western world, or Jan. 1 exactly.
Others such as the Rev. Jerry Falwell say they have read the Y2K compliance
reports and found them soothing. All are expecting a humdrum New Year's Eve.
Grant R. Jeffrey, author of titles such as "The Millennium Meltdown" and
"Armageddon: Earth's Last Days," is also blase. Earlier this year, the
Toronto-based minister wrote that the Y2K bug "may set the stage for the
creation of the coming world government that was prophesied to arise in the
last days."
Now he's downsizing his expectations. "It will be frustrating, like computer
errors, delays in waiting for planes, that kind of thing," he said.
Jeffrey does not disavow his disaster predictions, but expects them to
unfold only distantly, "in the Third World" and not quite so suddenly.
"It's not a January problem," Jeffrey added. "It will manifest itself
gradually throughout the year, like maybe in March or April or May, or even
later."
It seems that the Apocalypse has been postponed. Now that the date is
tangible, signs of the second coming of Christ are becoming hazy. The
millions of fundamentalist Christians who seized on the Y2K bug as proof
that a techno-idolatrous world was doomed now see it as more of a nuisance.
"The end times people are backing down," said Damian Thompson, author of
"The End of Time: Faith and Fear in the Shadow of the Millennium," a study
of modern doomsday cults. "People who last year became excited about the
millennium bug are suddenly saying, 'I never said that. It was him, not me.'
They're extremely nervous of having December 31st, 1999, pinned on them
forever."
Earlier this year, Falwell distributed a packet on "The Y2K Time Bomb,"
including a video, "A Christian's Guide to the Millennium Bug," and a Family
Readiness Checklist, telling people to stock up on such items as gardening
utensils, Q-tips and peanut butter and jelly.
"Y2K is God's instrument to shake this nation, to humble this nation,"
Falwell said in a television broadcast last year. "He may be preparing to
confound our language, to jam our communications, scatter our efforts, and
judge us for our sin and rebellion for going against his lordship."
But Falwell says he has read the government and banking reports and he is no
longer a "fatalist"; in fact, he's "encouraged." A few weeks ago, Falwell
withdrew the video and has been toning down the visions. "I don't anticipate
any major problems," he said last week. "I would fly in an airplane that
day."
When it was first revealed, the Y2K bug suited the apocalyptic temperament.
It's timing even validated fundamentalist numerology. In 1654, Archbishop
James Ussher of Armagh dated creation to 4004 B.C., and counting forward
using numerical clues, predicted Christ's reign on Earth would begin about
6,000 years later, during what became known in evangelical circles as the
Great Week.
>From the mainstream to the fringes, evangelical Christians adopted the Y2K
bug as their own. For the last two years, they have held conferences
teaching the flock how to filter water, bag sand, dry peas. Popular
Christian magazines advertised gold bullion and Rapture insurance policies
(in case you were snatched up to Heaven but your loved ones were left
behind).
But as the day approaches, even some of the fringe groups are mellowing.
"I'm aware of hardly anyone who's still saying 1/1/2000 is the big day,"
said Ted Daniel, who runs the Millennial Center in Pennsylvania and keeps a
close eye on doomsday cults. "It's the usual pattern: If you're a
millenarian prophet, you have to keep people excited. But once the date gets
closer, you back off."
The Rev. Ralph Moats, for example, relocated some of his California
followers to Montana in 1992 to prepare for doomsday. He picked a rural road
50 miles from the nearest bank and a prophetic name, "End Times Harvest
Church."
Yet Moats sounds remarkably calm these days.
"God has his own schedule," he said from his Montana home. "But I think it
will be just another New Year's Eve. I'll probably be in bed by 10 o'clock."
Moats, like many evangelicals, has not fundamentally changed his
temperament. The Apocalypse is still coming--just not necessarily right now.
The willingness to set a date and stick with it has defined the line between
fringe and mainstream views of the Apocalypse ever since the Great
Disappointment of 1844, said Stephen O'Leary, a fellow at the Center for
Millennial Studies in Boston. On the evening of Oct. 22, farmer-prophet
William Miller gathered thousands of followers on an upstate New York
hilltop to await transport to Heaven. By dawn they were the townsfolk's
favorite punch line.
Modern-day Millerites are rare: Edgar Whisenant, a former NASA engineer,
predicted the end would come in 1988; Elizabeth Clare Prophet, in 1990; and
fashion designer Paco Rabanne, on Aug. 11, 1999.
In the last two months, the doomsday prophets have rejiggered the numbers,
dating the end to later next year, or 2007, the end of the tribulation
period, or 2033, counting from Christ's death instead of his birth.
A year ago, self-described seer R. J. Smith led her 20 acolytes from Tucson
into the Arizona dessert. She was driven by a prophetic dream, which she
translated into a diagram shaped like a bug. The dream showed a tectonic
Earth split, with Jesus standing astride it, she recalls.
But last month, she had a different dream, the number 30 floating in her
head. She interpreted this as a sign that the Apocalypse won't take place
until 2030. This New Year's Eve she says she'll barbecue, then sleep
peacefully.
M. J. Agee is one of the evangelical world's last undaunted date-setters,
despite past disappointment. In the early '90s, Agee's inscrutable
numerology took her to 1998, which she later revised to 1999. This December
she published a 20-page apologia: "Why I thought the Rapture might be
Pentecost 1999."
Her new date is this coming Spring. "I am not saying end-time events have to
happen when I think they will," she said humbly. "I am not a prophet. This
is just the way it looks to me."
Staff researcher Anton Ramkissoon contributed to this report.
� Copyright 1999 The Washington Post Company
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
HURRY! SUPPLIES ARE RUNNING OUT!
Don't wait for Y2K!
Time is already running out!
Move quick on this deal!
Hello fellow patriots, militia members, Clinton loathers, UN despisers, 2nd
Amendment touters, NWO fighters, black-helicopter monitors, and other
conspiracy theorists.
As you may or may not know Y2K is coming, along with (suposedly): 1) martial
law (or marshall law for some of you)
2) suspension of the Constitution
3) misuse of Executive Orders to give overarching power to FEMA
4) targetting of "militia/patriot" members for false charges by (insert name
of law enforcement agency here)
5) introduction of UN troops already training in secret bases to enforce the
aforementioned martial law
6) establishment of the New World Order in the form of the One World
Government
But, as is the case with almost all such grandiose doom and gloom
predictions....
IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
So before you hunker in your bunker, turn on your shortwave radios and light
your already short fuses, time to invest in the future.
Put a down payment on an excuse, alibi, rationale, or other means to explain
away why your paranoid rants turn out to be DEAD BANG WRONG!
There are loads to choose from! Popular ones include:
1) Our "knowledge" of the conspiracy ensured that it did not happen because
"they" knew we'd be ready.
2) Nothing happened on 1/1/00 so we will get complacent. But 1/2/00, look
out!
3) The UN troops were ready to march in and take over, but the tanks were
driven by men who REFUSED to ask for directions and instead invaded Canada.
4) When we said Clinton was going to declare Martial Law, we meant he'd
declare the CBS show the best of the season!
5) That crazy Pope Gregory reset the calendar and threw us for a loop.
(Leads into the classic "Papist Plot" conspiracy extension pack. Sold
seperately.)
6) Sure it didn't happen at y2k, but we are TOTALLY ready for y3k! 7) The
takeover/martial law et. al. really DID happen. This is just the dream, or
are we the dreamer? (Lewis Caroll collection available now at
www.WackJobConspirayMetaphors.com)
8) The entire armed plot couldn't stop giggling when Clinton said he'd
declare himself "dictator".
9) The UN realized that it wouldn't be able to set up a One World Government
lead by a guy named "Kofi".
and finally
10) WE WERE WRONG FOR CRYING WOLF!
Others available. Call for pricing.
Yes, you too can be the envy of your militia cell as you explain away the
last 18 months (or longer) of paranoid rants that never came to fruition.
Dazzle your fellow "patriots"! Amaze "common law grand juries" for hours!
Best of all, there is a 0% money back guarentee. If there really IS all this
crap crashing down on January 1, 2000 this company and its
employees will marched off to the "UN concentration camps". But YOU will
have the warm, fuzzy feeling of knowing you are right as you drive a Ryder
truck full of explosives into the UN Secretariat building. Isn't that just
as good as money (especially if you
figure the Federal Reserve Notes are not "real' money, and the US is
bankrupt, and you can redeem your "straw man" just by following....)?
So contact us today! Special for the Holidays: Buy one excuse for Y2K not
become the harbinger of the Apocalypse and we'll throw in one of the
following lame explinations at NO extra charge!
1) "Really, honey. This naked woman walked into our bedroom and said 'Sleep
with me or I'll die.'"
2) "It wasn't me. It was the dog."
3) "No I am not bitchy because of PMS! Why do you think it is PMS? Do you
think every opinionated woman has PMS? Where the hell is my frying pan."
(Note: three day waiting period on aquiring
this one)
4) "That was the dog too."
Contact us at:
(Address erased by Project Echelon)
______________________________________________
FREE Personalized Email at Mail.com
Sign up at http://www.mail.com?sr=mc.mk.mcm.tag001
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be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and
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Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.
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