-Caveat Lector- Subject: Bill & Al's special adventures > > > Al Gore's Life Story > > Good afternoon. > > I'm Al Gore, and I'd like to tell you about myself. I know a lot about > hardship, because I came into this world as a poor black child in a tiny > town in the backwoods of Tennessee. I was born in a log cabin that I built > with my own hands. I taught myself to read by candlelight and helped > support > my 16 Brothers and sisters by working summers as a deck hand on a > Mississippi River steamboat. > > My mother taught me the value of education, so every day, I would walk 5 > miles to a one room schoolhouse. I was a mischievous, fun loving scamp, but > I never dreamed that one day, my youthful escapades would serve as the > inspiration for "Huckleberry Finn." > > Back then, black folks in the south were second-class citizens. One day, a > traveling minister came through town, and I asked him if anyone was going > to do something to guarantee civil rights for all Americans. Well, I guess > I made an impression. You see, the minister's name was Martin Luther King, > Jr. > > My father was a United States Senator. He once perched me on his knee and > said, "Son, if you work hard and listen to your mama, someday you can live > in a hotel in Washington, D.C., and go to an exclusive prep school." But a > life of privilege was not for me. > > After getting my high school diploma, I took a job in a hot, dirty textile > mill. I was so appalled at the treatment of the workers there that I > organized a union. Later, that experience inspired a movie - which is why, > to this day, my close friends at the AFL-CIO call me "Norma Rae." > > When word got out what an 18 year old factory worker had done, Harvard > called and offered me a scholarship. I captained its hockey team to four > consecutive national championships, but I also played football and was good > enough to win the Heisman Trophy. During my college years, I lived in a > housing project and moonlighted playing lead guitar for a little rock band. > You may have heard of it--the Rolling Stones. > > But there was a war going on, and I felt I had to serve my country. So I > enlisted in the U. S. Army and went to Vietnam. I was deeply opposed to the > war, but I did my duty as a soldier and came back home with the Medal of > Honor and the Croix de Guerre. When I got back, I took a long journey > across this great land of ours. I've crossed the deserts bare, man, I've > breathed the mountain air, man, I've traveled, I've done my share, man, > I've been everywhere. > > And the people I met at truckstops and campgrounds and homeless shelters on > that journey all said the same thing: "Al, we need you in Washington." I > knew they were right, but first I had to take care of some other > business---building the World Trade Center, founding the Audubon Society, > doing the clinical research that proved smoking caused cancer, and coming up > with the recipe for Mrs. Field's chocolate chip cookies. > > Finally, I deferred to the demands of the people of Tennessee and allowed > them to elect me to the House of Representatives and the Senate, where I > established the US Strategic Oil Reserve. > > And then one winter day nearly eight years ago, for no particular reason, I > answered the call of the people once again and took the oath of office as > Vice President of the United States. Since then, I've been part of the most > successful administration in American history. > > And, in my spare time, I invented the Internet. > > Many times, Bill Clinton has pondered some grave decision and has asked me > what to do. And when I gave him my thoughts, he would invariably say, "Of > course! That's brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?" During the darkest > days of the impeachment battle, the president told me he dearly wished he > had listened when I told him to stay away from that portly pepperpot of an > intern. > > So after I decided to run for president, I sat down with him and asked if he > had any suggestions about how to conduct my campaign. And Bill Clinton gave > me a few simple words of advice -- words I'll never forget. He looked me in > the eye and he said, "Al, just tell the truth. It's always worked for me." > > ........................................................................... > ................................................ > > The Bill Clinton Monument Committee > > We have the distinguished honor of being the Lincoln Bedroom > "Sleep-Over" Committee to raise five million dollars for a monument to Bill > Clinton. > > We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered > there was not enough room for "two" more faces. We then decided to erect a > statue > of Bill in the Washington, DC Hall of Fame. > > However, we were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. > It did not seem proper to put it beside the statue of George Washington, who > never told a lie, or beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since > Bill Clinton could never tell the difference. > > So we finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the > greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, did > not know where he was, returned not knowing where he had been -- and did it > all on someone else's money. > > We have just written the inscription for the monument: > > Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your > asses and camels and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 5,000 > years later, Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your > asses, light up a Camel, for this is the Promised Land." Now Bill Clinton's > legacy is to steal your shovel, tax your ass, raise the price of your Camel > and mortgage the Promised Land. If you are one of the fortunate people who > have anything left after paying taxes, we will expect a generous > contribution! Thank you. > <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/">www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substance�not soap-boxing�please! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'�with its many half-truths, mis- directions and outright frauds�is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRLgives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. 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