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Nefarious Osama Plots Uncovered (Conspiracy Nation, 11/18/01) -- Denis Nayland Smith III, grandson of Dr. Fu Manchu nemesis Denis Nayland Smith, Sr., has unearthed various Osama bin Laden plots now being hatched. One of the reported plots, he claims, has been to infiltrate outcast Muslims into the United States where they take jobs as telemarketers. In these jobs, the impoverished holy warriors take gleeful joy in phoning Americans at all hours and urging them to change their telephone long-distance providers. Detained by investigators, one of these telemarketers, Usama not Osama, sneered through hashish-stained teeth, "Hah, hah, hah, Christian pigs! We call you and make you change to AT&T. Then we call back and make you change again to Sprint!"T he overall effect of these endless calls from the Taliban Telemarketers is to weaken public morale in this crucial time when we must all stand united, declares Nayland Smith III. "Disguised as a janitor, I observed these Saracen dogs howling with laughter after they'd managed, in one day, to convince people to change their long-distance providers as many as seven times!" exclaimed Nayland Smith III. Another aspect of the telemarketer plot says Nayland Smith III is to invent hordes of new credit card offers and besiege Americans in their households with a constant stream of offers. "It's getting so bad that Americans no longer answer their phones when they ring," said the British investigator who has vague connections with Scotland Yard. "If Americans stop answering their phones, this disrupts vital communications," he warned. Another bin Laden plot involves distribution of patriotic paraphernalia. These items, such as U.S. flags, "War on Terror Trading Cards" (with pictures and brief bios of the bin Laden Gang), bumper stickers, and Americana fashions, produced by the Osama Gang and sold here by their henchmen, serve to fund the Muslim Jihad against America. "I eavesdropped on one of these patriotic pedlars," Nayland Smith III says. "He was speaking with Osama on his cell phone while he sold the flag to innocent Americans." Nayland Smith III, enraged at the profiteering, confronted the huckster. "His name badge told me his name was Osama not Usama. I said to him, 'See here, Osama not Usama. This is not cricket, selling the U.S. flag in this way.'" "The bloke actually laughed in my face!" said Nayland Smith III. "His bad breath belched the sneering remark, 'Ha ha, Christian dog! Where is your god now!?'" "The chap clearly was a bounder, so I snubbed his acquaintance," concluded the famous investigator. An additional plot said to be in the works is to intercept phone calls to Internal Revenue Service (IRS) help lines, then put the callers on indefinite hold. Later, the callers are given contradictory information from the "IRS help line." The result is that American tax payers go insane while trying to comprehend the IRS paperwork. |
