-Caveat Lector- WJPBR Email News List [EMAIL PROTECTED] Peace at any cost is a Prelude to War!
THE FEDERALIST(r) CHRONICLE The Conservative e-Journal of Record * Veritas Vos Liberabit * 16 January 2002 Federalist Edition #02-03 Wednesday Chronicle *To support The Federalist, Link to -- http://www.Federalist.com/support.asp *To sponsor The Federalist, Link to -- http://www.Federalist.com/sponsor.asp *To retrieve today's Chronicle as HTML printer-friendly text or PDF Link to -- http://www.Federalist.com/current2002.asp *To change your e-mail address or format, see instructions in footer. CONTENTS: The Foundation Insight Upright Editorial Exegesis Dezinformatsia Sociocrats Village Idiots Short Cuts ______----********O********----______ PUBLISHER'S NOTE Joining our strong lineup of editors under the leadership of Senior Editor Cassandra Cornell is Jonah Walton, who will join Brett Anthony as a Senior Contributing Editor. Jonah, AKA "our man in Tel Aviv," has been a valuable contributor to The Federalist. Also, we welcome aboard our new Research Editor Rachel Washington, a very capable addition to our staff! ______----********O********----______ THE FOUNDATION "I verily believe Christianity necessary to the support of civil society. One of the beautiful boasts of our municipal jurisprudence is that Christianity is a part of the Common Law. ... There never has been a period in which the Common Law did not recognize Christianity as laying its foundations." --Justice Joseph Story ______----********O********----______ INSIGHT "It is a wise man who said that there is no greater inequality than the equal treatment of unequals." --Felix Frankfurter {} "Good order is the foundation of all things." --Edmund Burke {} "Delay is preferable to error." --Thomas Jefferson {} "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." --John Adams {} "A sword never kills anybody; it's a tool in the killer's hand." --Seneca (the Younger) {} "Where there is a lack of honor in government, the morals of the whole people are poisoned." --Herbert Hoover {} "It's a poor rule that won't work both ways." --Frederick Douglass {} "To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best." --Margaret Thatcher {} "Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection -- that is the last and final and most precious reward than any man can win, whether by character or achievement." --Mark Twain ______----********O********----______ UPRIGHT "Stand up and do something." --Personal motto of Green Beret Sergeant 1st Class Nathan Chapman, KIA in Afghanistan ++ "Military success breeds success. Let the breeding proceed until every state that harbors and supports terrorism begins, either through sincere conversion or sincere fear, to eliminate those who slaughter innocent people for political ends." --Barry Farber ++ "In an administration of realists, [Secretary of State Colin] Powell is as out of place as a ballerina in a bikers' bar." --Don Feder {} "To put the Enron money collected by Bush in his campaigns into perspective, John Huang raised 800 grand -- easily -- in just two White House coffees." --Rush Limbaugh {} "The Democrats, have become a party out of the New Deal era -- patriotic on foreign policy, statist domestically." --Michael Barone {} "Immigration policy must now be considered a matter of national security. America has the same sovereign right to defend itself against enemies when the enemy attacks us from within." --Rep. Ron Paul {} "Liberals love victims. They just don't have much emotional energy left over to be certain that sound results are achieved (from the perspective of the needy). In fact, when people actually become less needy, liberals lose their reason for being -- and their base of support." --Michael Novak {} "In one century we went from teaching Latin and Greek in high school to offering remedial English in college." --Joseph Sobran {} "For more than 40 years, the heathen left have successfully executed a systematic, step by step dismantlement of a structure of morals and values carefully put in place to protect the history, heritage and cultural identity of America." --Linda Bowles {} "Great fiction can often present moral messages with greater power and clarity than instructional writing -- since literature, after all, penetrates not just the intellect, but the imagination." --Charles Colson {} "Faulting the tax cut for the newfound deficits is like blaming the person who grabbed the last slice of pizza for eating the whole thing. In other words, it's the spending, stupid!" --Joel Mowbray ++ "The curtain was pulled back on Tom Daschle, and a bitter partisan, bully and man who puts politics above everything was exposed." --Oliver North ++ "Our country has labored under a federal income tax system that is inconsistent with the liberty of a free people." -- Rep. Roscoe Bartlett {} "The fashionable idiocy that haters must have justifications is one of those ideas that George Orwell said only an intellectual could believe -- because no one else could be such a fool." --Thomas Sowell ______----********O********----______ EDITORIAL EXEGESIS "The Taliban has been conquered, and Hamid Karzai has been made temporary leader of Afghanistan and invited to the White House. However, the Bush administration has assured the world that the war on terrorism is far from over. Next on the agenda: Somalia. ...Which leads to the question: How serious is the administration about the war on terrorism? Somalia has al Qaeda training camps, it is true. ..[And] about 100 al Qaeda terrorists were identified in the East African country. Yet, on the list of countries where the administration is focusing its counterterrorism efforts -- Somalia, Yemen, the Sudan, Indonesia, the Philippines -- Iraq is glaringly absent. But it poses a greater security and terrorism threat to Americans than all the other countries combined. ... September 11 taught America that it can no longer afford to be merely reactive. As long as Saddam and his allies are left, the American people must know that the anti-terrorism effort against them will continue." --Washington Times ______----********O********----______ DEZINFORMATSIA "That Japanese admiral declared that he feared the attack on Pearl Harbor had 'awakened a sleeping giant'." --CBS correspondent Bob Schieffer on the year in review, with some fractured history, as "that admiral" was Isoroku Yamamoto, and he never uttered anything about "waking a sleeping giant" -- it was the Hollywood-imagined line read by an actor playing the part of Yamamoto in the movie "Tora! Tora! Tora!" {} This week's "Media Buster" Award: "It is a business scandal story. There is absolutely not even a whiff of political scandal in this thing so far. And it's really funny to watch the Washington press corps try to manufacture it." --MSNBC analyst Lawrence O'Donnell on the collapse of Enron {} "The press has always been able to accompany troops into battle. If I win, everyone wins." --Hustler pornography publisher Larry Flynt, who is suing Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to permit Hustler correspondents to be near the frontlines against Jihadistan. **Just the thing to convince Muslims we aren't as materialistic and sex-obsessed as some mullahs say.... {} "Is it realistic to think that the Palestinians, whoever is in charge, would ever reach some kind of agreement with [Israeli Prime Minister] Ariel Sharon, a man who has done so much to oppose peace efforts in the Middle East?" --CBS's Bryant Gumbel querying former Sen. George Mitchell ++ "Speaking of restraint, there is considerable question about whether these Israeli, this Israeli response is excessive. How do you interpret the Bush administration's apparent unwillingness to restrain Sharon?" --CBS's Bryant Gumbel questioning Middle East expert Shibley Telhami ______----********O********----______ SOCIOCRATS "America is a better place today because of the 50-plus years she has given to the noble work of journalism." --Bill Clinton on Helen Thomas {} The Metropolitan Washington Council of Governments passed a resolution last Wednesday calling the Washington Redskins football team name "offensive" and asking for a name change. **This is appropriate use of local government time and resources? Talk about washing brains till they are spic and span.... {} With a unanimous 12-0 vote, the Boston City Council banned city use of a very naughty word -- "minority" -- calling the term "outdated" and "offensive" in describing people or ethnic groups. (City Councilor Charles Yancey suggests substituting "people of color" instead.) **We suppose the defeated side in all future BCC balloting will be described as the "losing majority." ______----********O********----______ VILLAGE IDIOTS "I find the whole concept repugnant. A lot of people have that same gut reaction. We should listen to our guts." --Michael Fox, veterinarian and senior bioethics adviser to the Humane Society, getting it right in being revolted by the cloning of piglets without genes causing human immune system rejection of swine tissue, possibly a major step in cross-species organ transplants. **But we should not "listen to our guts" if they say, "Oink, oink!" {} From the "Swamp Sausage Factory" Files: Fresh from corporate welfare subsidizing his ranches, billionaire media mogul Ted Turner announced conquest of a new empire: a restaurant chain called "Ted's Montana Grill," the first to open in Columbus, Ohio, with a menu featuring 25 versions of the bison burger, such as bison with avocado, bison with jalapenos and bison with fried eggs, cheese, ham, bacon and mushrooms. Nine more restaurants are planned. Turner is largest U.S. bison rancher, with 30,000 animals, and the restaurant chain will purchase meat from a cooperative including Turner's 14 ranches and those of about 300 other bison producers. {} "I always thought he [John Ashcroft] was a scary, creepy guy, but now that there are even scarier and creepier people in the world, I'm kind of glad he's on our side. You know, it's like, hey, we have a nut, too." --Bill Maher, host of ABC show "Politically Incorrect," who sometimes feels like a nut. {} "It's about time somebody had gone after that audience with a network. It's an important segment of the audience that has traditionally been under-served. The money is certainly there to support it." --Tom Wolzien, senior media analyst for the investment firm Sanford C. Bernstein & Company, on MTV and Showtime being in "serious discussions" for developing a "gay" TV channel, under the umbrella of the Viacom media empire, which includes CBS, UPN, Nickelodeon and VH1. **To be called AC/DC-TV, no doubt! ______----********O********----______ SHORT CUTS "My mother always said, 'when you're eating pretzels, chew before you swallow.' Listen your mother." --President Bush on his Sunday night fainting spell while eating pretzels and watching football playoffs. ++ "He was watching the Dolphins-Ravens game, which could make anybody faint. He was eating a pretzel and the pretzel didn't go down right and he fainted." -- White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer on President Bush's fainting spell. **Hey, it's not like he vomited on a foreign minister before passing out! {} "I always love being introduced by a matinee television idol." --President Bush after Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld introduced him at the Pentagon signing of the defense appropriations bill, with good-natured ribbing about Rumsfeld's image as the administration's "babe magnet." **Quick query: Why is Don Rumsfeld like a banana? Because he's got appeal! ++ "I'm plucky, but I'm not stupid." --Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld on knowing when not to reply. {} "Don't you just hate it when the war on terrorism interferes with political correctness and liberalism's equality fetish?" --Don Feder {} "Mass murderers should be executed (as should petty ones). Indeed, should the executions be held at a NASCAR track, fans would pay $100 a ticket in a New York minute. Send us your huddling predators, yearning to be free. We know just what to do with them." --Dave Shiflett {} "In Stalinist Russia, they used to airbrush out officials once they became politically inconvenient. Something similar is now happening to the famous Sept. 11 photo of three white firefighters hoisting the flag at Ground Zero." --Rich Lowry {} "Did you hear about the guy who got rid of the calluses on the bottoms of his feet by rubbing them with chicken soup -- kind of chicken soup for the sole. Of course he might have fed the stuff to his pet fish, too, for the same reason." --Lyn Nofziger Jay Leno.... There was a scare over the weekend. President Bush was watching TV, munching on pretzels, and he choked and fainted. We've been so worried about Osama bin Laden, and here Mr. Salty about did him in. .... While he was passed out, they rushed to get Dick Cheney -- but they forgot which undisclosed location he had been last put in. ... More news on that Notre Dame football coach. George O'Leary, the guy that lied about his resume, has found a new job as an assistant with the Vikings. It was that or back to his old job of taking care of financial reports with Enron. David Letterman.... President Bush cut his forehead and bruised his cheek when he fell down -- and he's not married to Hillary! .... In defense of President Bush, that pretzel -- it was one of the really twisty kind. .... Today Tom Ridge sent out an all points bulletin on Mr. Salty. .... Right now a military tribunal is convicting a pretzel. ... Michael Jordan and his wife are getting a divorce. It turns out Jordan has had half a dozen girlfriends over the past few years. Hey, forget the NBA, this guy is presidential material. .... Tonight on CBS they re-aired the two-hour Michael Jackson special. Two hours -- that's the longest Michael has ever gone without plastic surgery. ... I liked the part of the special with the montage of all his phony marriages. .... Don't think everything in the Jackson family is well, though. There is plenty of infighting. In fact, the Jackson brothers have been fighting so much they hired a couple of Baldwin brothers. Argus Hamilton.... President Bush passed out while biting into a pretzel. Who would have thought pretzels were a national security threat? We've been warned that enemies were trying to kill the president, but we thought we'd patched things up with the Germans. ... Al Qaeda prisoners were flown to Cuba under very tight security. They were chained to their seats, sedated and crammed together. No matter what the Geneva Convention says, we want them to know what it's like to fly coach in America. .... The FBI announced it will begin rounding up Middle East men living in the U.S. illegally. It's caused a run at the record stores in Los Angeles. The two top-selling audio tapes in Arabic are the Koran and How to Speak Spanish Like a Native. ... Congressman John Dingell says a screener at Reagan Airport strip-searched him.... He said he was forced to remove his jacket, his socks and his pants in a private room. Within the hour, Hillary Clinton went on 60 Minutes and forgave him. .... Arthur Andersen destroyed Enron records while Enron's board pumped and dumped the stock, making billions at the expense of shareholders and the employee pension fund. It was a near-perfect con job. Joe Lieberman called for indictments, Ted Kennedy demanded an IRS audit, and Hillary Clinton held up a 9.9 on her judge's card. .... Democrats piled on President Bush Thursday over his relationship with Enron. There's no pleasing them. For a year, Democrats have said President Bush doesn't know anything, and now that he says he didn't know anything, they don't believe him. .... Attorney General John Ashcroft recused himself from the Enron probe because the company donated $57,000 his Senate re-election bid. He promptly lost the election to a dead guy. It was still a better investment than putting it in Enron. .... New York's Statue Commission decided to depict the three white firefighters photographed raising Old Glory at Ground Zero as a black, an Hispanic, and a white man. Don't laugh. This idea could save Confederate statues all over the South. .... Oregon scientists Friday successfully transferred the DNA of a jellyfish to a monkey. It's big news in Washington. If it can be done on humans, it will be the first known way to produce spinelessness on demand without the use of soft money. ... The University of Alabama's Science Center said the 2001 calendar year was just slightly warmer than average. People might stop worrying about global warming. To keep everybody focused, Al Gore just announced he's changing his name to Al Nino. 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