WQ Daily Chuckle- A joke a day in your mailbox 2-10-00
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Howdy Chucklers,
First I want to say thank you Peter for pointing out that I misspelled the
word misspelled yesterday (ok so my spelling sucks too). We also tried
a new twist with embedded html code in the jokes yesterday. Some of you
apparently could not read the blue on black printing very well (and informed
me in various ways). Alas from here on out we will try to keep any attemps
at color on a white background. Can't wait to see what I did wrong today-
If y'all can't find anything wrong feel free to write in and chastise me anyway,
it really does keep me amused. I'm still chuckling over this first joke. Enjoy.......
P.S. keep your joke submits coming we will use the good ones
S.B.
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Give up Drugs
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in
court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men,
and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want
you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use
and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 14 people to give up drugs forever."
"14 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:
__
/ \
| | O
\__/
and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this
(small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd
guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 112 people to give up drugs forever."
"112 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and
told them, 'this is your anus before prison......' "
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There's nothing the matter with me,
I'm just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees,
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
All my teeth have had to come out,
And my diet I hate to think about.
I'm overweight and I can't get thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
And arch supports I need for my feet.
Or I wouldn't be able to go out in the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
But every morning I find I'm all right.
My memory's failing, my head's in a spin.
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
Old age is golden - I've heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?
The reason I know my Youth has been spent,
Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But really I don't mind, when I think with a grin,
Of all the places my get-up has been.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is missing, I'm therefore not dead,
So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.
The moral of this as the tale unfolds,
Is that for you and me, who are growing old.
It is better to say "I'm fine" with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
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