0442 trying to do stuff is hard for me. it triggers harsh dyskinesia and tactile hallucinations. my muscles clench and move me away from the task, the harder I try.
I have a lot of those strangely-interwound behaviors, where doing one thing causes something else, inside me. one doctor said neurological damage could cause this, after measuring some of my nerves. I know my brain can rewire things. it's unfortunate i'm doing this in a way counter to my goals.
